If Only
by Confessed4Life
Summary: After Oloron's Amulet returns Kahlan to the others, she tries to be more cautious with the man she loves, but after a fierce battle things begin to change. With her life and magic on the line, she fights for the only thing she is sure of. Richard. *Takes place after S2's Torn* (Rated M for a reason in some parts, but mostly to keep it safe.)
1. Chapter 1

***Author's Note*  
This story was written after the subject of "butt confession" of was brought up in a conversation with Bridget Regan at Space City Comic Con in July. She said she thought it was theoretically possible, though she hadn't thought of it and would like to see how I would do it. So this is for Bridget and I really hope you like it. (I swear I did not mean for it to be this long, but I had this story just pooling in my brain and if I didn't get it out, I was going to die.)**

Kahlan had been quiet for days, something the others had expected, but for one of them, the silence was maddening. He had told her everything that had happened and now, he wondered if it was the right thing to do. She spent a day with her sister before they headed out and he could only imagine what she had shared. The possibilities filled his mind. As they walked down a narrow path and his eyes focused on her figure several paces before, he began imagining what was going through her mind.

The night he shared with the other woman, the body of Kahlan, but the heart and mind of no one he knew, had been filled with pleasures he had never known. The memory lingered with him as he closed his eyes each night, making him question if she spent time trying to remember. She had been skilled in a way he couldn't imagine and he longed for it to happen again. Would she allow him to be close to her again?

"We should set up camp, it will be dark soon," Zedd said cheerfully, almost as though he was clueless as to what was happening around him. "Cara, catch us something to eat, will you? I'm starving!"

"I'll gather firewood," Kahlan volunteered, speaking for the fifth time of the day.

Stepping forward, Richard gave a smile and offered her his hand. "Would you like some help?" Nodding, the brunette smiled back and they walked together into the trees. Silence followed them through the trees and it was driving him insane. She didn't appear to be upset, only lost in thought. "Are you all right?" he asked after several minutes of gathering.

"Yes, I am fine." Coming to a stop, she turned and met his eyes in confusion. "Why do you ask?"

"You haven't said very much lately."

"I know, I'm sorry. I have found it difficult to quiet my mind."

Taking a step closer, he tried to read her expression, wishing he knew how she felt. "What are you thinking about?"

"I think you know," she answered softly. "Richard, I-"

His lips were upon hers within a breath as his firewood fell to the ground. Wrapping her in his arms, he pulled her close and held her firmly. The warmth between them burned hotter than a fire and neither wanted it to end. Her arms circled around his neck and just as quickly her fingers pushed into his hair. Her magic flowed to the surface, dancing just beneath her skin. She didn't pull back as it began to boil, needing to feel close to someone. She had felt lost since her return to their world and in this moment, she had never felt anything more comforting.

The hold he had on her began to tighten and suddenly she felt herself overcome with sadness. Breaking their kiss, she turned her head, but instead of pulling away, she lowered her arms and circled his waist. Hugging herself to him, she sucked in one ragged breath after another, hoping to stop her tears. His heart was racing, pounding against her ear and though the urge to look up at him was strong, she was too afraid meet his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Shaking her head, he found it impossible to hide her tears and just as easily as she pushed into his arms, she moved away. Wiping her cheeks, she swallowed back a soft cry, knowing that it would give her away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Why not? Kahlan we don't have to fight this any longer."

"How can you say that? You know what I could do to you! If I had stayed close to you for another breath, you could have been lost!"

Richard brushed his fingers through his hair, pushing it from his face as he took three steps toward her. "You would never hurt me. You didn't-"

"What?! When we laid together days ago? Richard, I- It wasn't me."

"I know," he whispered, barely audible. "Spirits, I know, but I can't erase what I did. You can be angry at me for all of time, but I cannot undo it. I can't change what happened."

Continuing to stare into the darkness, Kahlan found her breath. "No, you can't. We can never be together, Richard."

"Don't say that. You can't give up-"

"If I don't end this now, this will be the least of the pain. You've already had me, there is nothing more."

Without hesitation, Richard reached out for her. Taking hold, he spun her around to face him, keeping his fingers tightly wrapped around her arms. "No, Ka-"

"Let me go," she said through a whisper as she pulled back, trying to escape his grasp. "Richard, let go."

Holding still, he kept his eyes on her. "I can't. If I let go right now, your mind will turn into your enemy. I won't let this hurt you. Kahlan, you don't understand how much I wish I could go back to that night. I don't want to relive it, but stop myself. I thought it was you and I was foolish. I know the woman that you are and the man I was that night, he's not someone I want you to know."

Confused, she tilted her head, almost bringing a smile to his lips at her typical response. "I don't understand."

"That night, had it truly been you I laid with, I- I thought it was my one chance to show you how I felt. I wanted you to feel my love for you and I desperately wanted to feel yours. "He smiled for a moment and the way it reached his eyes told her he was not thinking of the other woman, but the one before him. "I wanted you, not someone with your body. I wanted to love you because- Kahlan, I now know what it feels like to want to be with someone and not for the pleasure, but to show and prove my love. That night, as pleasurable as it was, thinking I was with you, it pains me now to have been with one more person before you." Releasing his hold on her, he took a step back and shrugged his shoulders in defeat. "I cannot take back what I did with her and I am sorry I hurt you, but I need you to know that was not my intention. I only wanted you to know how much I loved you."

Her heart was racing, pounding so hard, she feared she would watch it rip from her chest and fall to the ground. She could see the truth in his eyes, but the pain was strong and it matched her own. Forcing back the urge to rush into his embrace, she blinked out a fresh set of tears and hugged herself for comfort. "I- I am sorry, Richard. I shouldn't have..." Turning around, she closed her eyes, knowing she could not say what was on her mind if she was looking at him. "I thought I was jealous and I am. I keep imagining you with another woman, but what I see is not a woman who looks like me. I can't keep the images from my mind and all they do is make me want to cry. I know that it is wrong and I have no right to be upset, but I-"

"You have the right, Kahlan. I betrayed you in every way and what I did, it destroys everything we've built. How can you believe that I love you when I spent the night with someone else?"

"You thought it was me," she countered softly, keeping her position.

"That isn't an excuse. I should have known and better than that and I should never have agreed to lay with you when you lost your magic. I never want you to believe or think I want less of you. I can never explain in a way that you will understand, but I love you, all of you and without your magic, you are not the same woman."

"My magic is a danger to you. Richard-"

"Your magic has made you who you are and who you are is- You are the most wonderful and kind woman I have ever known. Kahlan, you are more than you realize and more than any man can show you." Taking a step back, he looked to the ground, "I'm sure you know that from others before."

Turning her head, she looked at him through the corner of her eye. "Others?"

"The man or men you were with before we met."

"I-" Turning around, she straightened her back and pushed back her shoulders. She seemed embarrassed, though she tried to hide it. "I have never... I have laid with no men."

Confused, Richard tilted his head and stepped forward. "None?" She shook her head and he found himself fighting a laugh. "I'm sorry, I just assumed... The way you kiss, I..." He let his words drift off as her cheeks grew red. "I'm sorry."

Running her hands over the front of her skirt, she took in a deep breath, hoping that it would give her the courage to ask, "What was she like? The other me, I mean..."

Richard studied her for a moment, wondering if he should tell her and what it would do to her to know. "Different from what I imagined you would be." He was going to elaborate, but she seemed pleased with his reply, bringing him to add, "It was quicker than I would like others to know."

She chuckled, music to his ears as he watched her tears slow. "Would you mind if I asked one more question?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Was it, she, better than those you were with before?"

"Yes," he answered swiftly and honestly. "I have never felt that way about anyone before. I wasn't trying to please myself and I- I had never wanted anything more than what I thought I had that night. I thought that I was- If I had truly been with you, it would have been the greatest night of my life."

"I wouldn't be so sure," she said with a grin, doing her best to ease the tension between them. "I may not be as pleasing as you hope."

Her words brought out a gasp as his heart raced and hair stood on end. "You underestimate yourself."

Moving forward, she stepped in close, letting her breasts push against his chest. "I don't think I am. I may be very unfortunate."

"Kahlan... I- Trust me?" he said through heated and heavy breaths.

There was no hesitation before her nod and just as quickly, he cupped her cheeks in his hands and leaned forward. Bringing her as close as possible, he kissed her the way he had always wanted and the way he had the woman who looked like her only nights before. She returned the action in full, a welcome surprise to him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Their kiss deepened quickly and before either of them realized, he had her back pressed against the bark of an old oak.

She could feel him against her, his arousal, and it fueled her fire of desire. Pushing forward, she found herself trying to help his need. Her action didn't go unnoticed, bringing Richard to lift her from the ground and use his body to hold her up. Letting his lips trail from hers to her jaw, he nipped and sucked his way down her neck. The soft moans she released encouraged him onward, granting him the permission to continue.

Covering the tops of her breasts with his mouth, he began wishing her corset would disappear and reveal more of her to him. The thought brought him to pull back with a heavy gasp. Bringing his forehead to hers, he leaned forward, needing the contact as he struggled to find his breath and calm his urge to throw her to the ground. Kahlan did nothing to help as she continued to brush her lips against his.

After a soft moan escaped him, she dropped her legs from his hips and quickly found her footing. Her mind spun, begging her to keep still, but she had felt his desire, his need, and she wanted to do something.

To his extreme surprise, she knelt down and with skillful fingers, unlaced his pants. "Kahlan," he panted as he stilled her hands with his, "you don't have-"

"I know," she whispered as she moved her hand over him.

His eyes slid closed, his mind fighting the desire within him. If he allowed her to continue, it would change things between them and the action she appeared to be about to do would bring her more pain. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he brought his left hand to her face and lifted her chin so their eyes met. "You don't want to do this."

"I don't?" The words left her mouth in a playful tone, one he had never heard and it excited him further. He watched her tongue trace over her lips, removing all thoughts from his mind. Her eyes were dark, calling out to him in a way that pulled him forward and with her hand wrapped around his length, he could do nothing but pant.

The moment her mouth wrapped around him, he stumbled. Reaching out, Richard pushed his right hand against the oak and stabilized himself. She seemed not to notice, taking him in as he moved and with ease. Her movement was skilled and breathtaking. Fighting to keep his eyes open, he pushed back her hair, giving him full view of her.

He began to lose control and when she gave no sign of stopping he tightened his hold on her hair. "I'm not going to be able to hold on much-" She pulled back and before his next gasp, he let go. The Mother Confessor watched in silence, keeping her eyes on his face as she waited for the rush to fall. "Spirits... What- I-"

Standing, she brushed her hands over her skirt. "We should head back, they'll notice-"

Grabbing her arm, he held her still, keeping her from walking back to the firewood they had collected. "They can wait a few more moments. Spirits Kahlan, what was that?"

"I may not have laid with a man before, but that doesn't mean I do not know how to please them."

He could hear the mix of emotions in her voice. She was embarrassed and upset, there was a pride and passion, but her face showed none of it. "That's not what I meant. Kahlan, why would you do that?"

"You needed it," she said simply, pretending that it had been nothing out of the ordinary. She had their friend in mind, Cara, who would show or hold no emotion after having done such a thing and the Mother Confessor was doing her best to be the same.

Shaking his head, he let her go and fixed his pants. "This could have been dealt with after a few minutes alone in the dark," he said quietly. The words embarrassed him, but he thought it was only fair to join her. "Why did you do that?"

"That is the closest I can be to you; to that night you spent with her."

"We didn't- you- She did not do that. Spirits, no one has ever done that."

Confused, Kahlan took a step toward him, being sure to keep her voice down. "You said you've-"

"I've been with other women, yes, but I've never... They have never used their..."

Her mind spun in so many different directions she thought she was going to be sick. She felt more embarrassed, but there was something more. She felt proud thinking that though she was not his first, she was able to give him something no other woman had. The thought made her wish that she had done more, given him everything possible.

"Kahlan," he said suddenly, breaking her vicious trail of thoughts, "why did you do it when you knew it would hurt you?" She was about to deny her pain when he pulled her into his arms and hugged her. "My feelings for you would not have changed. They will not change. You don't have- We do not need to have that."

Moving back, she took several steps away and smiled sadly. "It's what you want. Why else would- We cannot deny what our bodies need. It's our nature to want physical contact. We can never do this again and anything we felt or feel for each other, it can't be. I will take a mate and you will marry. We can only be who we are."

There was nothing he could say that would change her mind in this moment. Standing still, he watched her pick up the small pieces of tree and leave him standing alone in the dark.

The roles had turned as they headed out the next morning. He remained silent, lost in his thoughts as he followed behind two of the others. Cara walked at his side, keeping her eyes on him and the road ahead. She knew the events of the night before and it took more of her strength than she'd admit to not speak her mind on the matter. From the expression on his face, she was almost certain he thought many of the same things.

The blonde knew the Seeker had not slept, having watched the woman he loved for most of the night. The other woman was more than surprised by what she had seen between the couple, but she knew it wouldn't be long before it destroyed their group.

"How much do you know?" Richard asked her quietly, being sure their conversation would stay between them alone. His friend rolled her eyes before glancing at his, answering his question. "I know you don't approve-"

"She doesn't approve," she told him sternly. "I think you're an idiot."

"We can't help who we love, Cara."

"You can help who you lay with."

"I didn't-"

Shaking her head, she came to a stop and held him still. "I saw what you allowed to happen. You are a fool to think that it's as simple."

"I don't think it's simple, Cara. I know that it is not, but how could I change- I don't understand what happened." Looking ahead to the other two, who continued walking, he sighed, "One minute we were fighting and the next... She gave me pleasure I've never known to exist."

"Please," the blonde scoffed. "Spend a night with me and I will-"

"That's not what I meant. Not entirely. She liked it and almost as much as I. I have never seen her in that way."

"What do you mean?"

Watching Kahlan walk, he studied her carefully, making sure she wasn't able to hear them. "You know Kahlan. She doesn't allow herself to let go, to enjoy herself and last night... She has a passion I have never known. She was playful and for a moment... Cara, she let herself be free and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"At least you enjoyed yourself," she said through a sigh. "You know what this is going to do to her."

"I can't let her go, Cara. I couldn't before last night, and now, the image I have of our life together is only stronger." Bringing his eyes to his friend's he smiled. "I love her and I know that it is unacceptable to each of you, but I no longer care. I am going to find a way for us to be together and she will know of my love."

"She knows, Richard." Cara's voice was surprisingly gentle, matching the unfamiliar expression on her face. "She wouldn't have done what she did if she didn't. That isn't typical of a Confessor."

"What?"

Fighting a smile, the blonde shook her head. "I can't believe she did that. Most women won't and she- She looked as though she had done it before." Richard gave her a sad nod, his mind racing through made up images of her with other men. "It is not something they teach young Confessor's. Perhaps, she heard about it through someone," she offered, hoping that it would ease his mind, but from his sour expression, she knew it hadn't. "I can ask-"

"No!" he half shouted, bringing the two ahead to stop and look back. Waving them onward, he kept his voice low and brought a smile to his face to convince the others to move on without delay. "She can't know we spoke about this."

"She's not an idiot, she will know."

"Please, Cara. I don't want to upset her."

"She's upset herself enough for the both of you." Stepping away from him, she hurried along the road, catching the brunette before he could stop her. "Richard's thinking about you."

"How much do you know?"

"Do the two of you share a brain?" she asked, hating to have to relive the beginning of her last conversation. "I saw you last night. More of him." Off of her friend's expression, the Mord'Sith sighed, "You're both mad, but you gave him something I've been offering for months."

Shaking her head, Kahlan attempted to move faster and put some distance between them, but Cara wouldn't let her. "I don't need a lecture. I know it can never happen again."

"Why not? You were in no danger of releasing your magic and he was very pleased."

"I cannot do it again. Cara I- I may not have released my magic, but if you saw us last night, you know what happened before. That was all I could give him and it will never be enough, not for both of us."

"Did you not enjoy it as well? You held him in your hand; your mouth, his body quaking where it stood because of your power..."

"It's not about power, Cara. I love him. Last night, that was all I could do to- I'm sorry, you don't want to hear about my feelings. I know how they bore you."

"I'm not talking about your feelings, I'm talking about pleasure. How did you know how to please him?"

Staring at the road ahead, she found it easier to talk. "When I was seventeen, I confessed a man... He told me stories of bedding women. I didn't have a lot of knowledge on the subject, but now... I never thought that I would use any of what he shared."

"Why did you choose that?"

"I'm not sure," she answered honestly, finding this side of her friend easy to talk to. "One minute my body was crying out for his and then, all I could think of was doing something to please him. I- I know he has experience with other women and I thought, at most, I would make him feel a little better."

"And your mouth just happen to fall on his-"

"You disapprove," she interrupted softly.

Shaking her head, Cara sighed, "No, I would have done the same, but you are a fool. He's never going stop thinking about it. He craves your mouth upon his-"

"Cara, please... You understand how it must be. Richard and I can never be together, not in the way he wants."

"From what I saw, he was not the only one who wanted more. He may never be inside you, but there are pleasure you both can provide."

"I can't risk his life."

Cara rolled her eyes, annoyed that the brunette didn't understand. "I'm not asking you to spread your legs and allow him entry. You can give him the same as last night and I assure you, he can please you before your magic is released."

"What do you mean?"


	2. Chapter 2

Richard woke with her sitting beside him with her right hand on his chest. Before he could blink away his sleep, he jumped forward and pulled her close, reaching for his sword to protect her. She said nothing through his movement, allowing him to hug her to him and soak in each other's warmth. His heart was racing for a moment as he searched the area. Finding no danger, he let out a sigh of relief and released his weapon.

"What's wrong?" She could hear the concern in his voice, but she found it difficult to speak. After a few breaths of silence, he began running his fingers through her hair, marveling at its silky texture. "Are you all right?"

Nodding, she fought her actions, hoping to get her next movements right. Bringing her hands to his cheeks, she held him still and brought her lips to his. Their kiss heated quickly, neither caring about their surroundings and the two who slept. Kahlan sat in his lap, her body pressed against his perfectly as he tightened his arms around her. He seemed to welcome her to him and it was a mind easing response.

The gentle rocking of her hips drove him mad, making his body scream out in need and it was more than evident. Her kiss was powerful and full of passion, skilled in a way that made him want to learn more. As though reading his thoughts, she pulled back just enough for them both to take a much needed breath and started to move away. He followed her to their feet without a word or hesitation.

To his surprise, they didn't move very far away, stopping just inside the surrounding trees. Before he could question her decision, her lips were back on his and her fingers tracing the top of his pants. Excitement filled him and increased as she continued to move her hands over him. It took all of his strength to keep from laying her beneath him and taking her the way he imagined. His pants were sliding down his legs and before he knew what happening, she had him lying on the ground, exposed.

He didn't know when she had removed her jacket, but it was a welcome sight. The tops of her breasts gave him a view he never wanted to forget, while letting his imagination run wild. To his delight, she pulled back her hair, moving it over her right shoulder as she leaned down and, ever so slowly, traced her tongue over his length. He watched her mouth open and himself slide in, making his heart pound while he fought to keep his eyes open. The sight before him was too perfect to lose.

His body demanded release, but he wouldn't give in. He couldn't, not yet. Whispering her name, he brought her to a pause. Confused, she met his eyes and pulled back, releasing him from the warmth of her mouth. He was panting, but she didn't notice as he reached out for her. Taking her hand, he pulled until she was, once again, sitting on his lap.

Holding her gaze, he reached behind her and slowly unlaced her corset. Her eyes were as dark as the night, hiding the blue he adored. Though it made him believe he was seeing more of the woman he loved. He held the leather to her for a few breaths, making sure she had enough time to stop him if she wanted or needed to. When she gave no response, he let go and watched it fall between them. She moved first and pulled it away, dropping it at their side. She watched his eyes, hoping that the sight of her would please him.

His lips parted for breath, her beauty far from anything he had known. Instinctively, he reached out for the unfamiliar scars. Though the woman before had looked like her, she didn't have any of the scars the woman before him did. Tracing his fingers over the fine line across her stomach, he brought his eyes to her breasts. They were perfect, heart stopping and had she kept still, he never would have looked away.

Her hands slid between them and took hold of him. Gently stroking, she moved with his breathing, using it as direction. Before his eyes slid closed, he leaned forward and collided their lips, using the action as a way to keep himself from exploding instantly. Trailing kisses down her neck, he covered her shoulders and chest, slowly making his way to her breasts. She struggled to continue moving, his mouth making her skin tingle and burn.

His hands slid over her sides, coming to her breasts with a gentle, yet rough, squeeze. The sensation brought a loud moan from her lips as her head fell back. Her fingers left his hardened flesh and rushed to his hair, holding him in place as though she would die if he moved. He took advantage of the moment and pushed forward, bringing her back to the ground. Keeping his hands on her breasts, he kissed down her stomach, releasing a moan of his own as she rocked her hips forward.

The taste of her skin was addictive, making him crave for nothing else. Lifting the top of her skirt, he slid his tongue beneath it, sampling more of her untouched skin. Her fingers wound tighter in his hair and her breath came in gasps, the feeling setting her on fire. He didn't stop as her hands fled his hair and reached for the ground, only finding it more arousing. Gliding his tongue back up her stomach and to her breasts, he snaked his right hand down and repositioned a piece of her skirt.

Richard let his fingers dance upon her thigh, letting the need build within her as he continued kissing over her chest. She was panting and moaning, thriving off of his touch and it only pushed him on. He grazed her for a moment, surprising her into releasing a loud moan. With her head pushed back into the dirt, he took the opportunity to kiss her neck, slowly licking his way up and over her chin. As their lips reconnected, he moved his fingers once again, this time pushing harder than before.

He drew it out, easing her into it until she did the only thing her body could do and when she bucked to meet his fingers, he pulled back just out of reach. Her hands were on his shoulders, clawing through his shirt and as their tongues fought for dominance, he repeated his action. He wanted nothing more than to give her what she desired, but he couldn't. This was as far as they had ever gone and with her lack of experience, she didn't know what to expect. He wanted her to enjoy it, feel his love for her and explore her own needs and desires. His lips were suddenly gone from hers, bringing a low groan of disappointment as he moved, but his next motion caught her completely off guard.

Kneeling between her legs, Richard shifted her skirt and exposed her to the cool wind. Her skin tingled at the sudden breeze and as she went to shield herself, he leaned down and stole the breath from her lungs. As her tongue had slid over him, he did the same for her. His name left her lips in a loud gasp as she fought her magic. She pulled on his hair, not knowing if she wanted to pull him away or bring him closer. He didn't shy away from her body, licking and sucking as though it was the only way of life.

Lifting her head, she forced her eyes to open and look down at him. "Richard..."

"Mmmm?" he replied, letting the moan vibrate his lips against her.

Another gasp fled her as she whispered his name, this time in warning, bringing him to pull back. Sitting up, he stared down at her and marveled at her beauty. Her chest rose quickly between breaths, her skin, covered in sweat and her eyes were darker than he's ever seen. The sight was beautiful and when he could stand it no longer, he brought his lips back to hers.

She returned his kiss in full, using it to guide her breaths and hold back her magic. She could taste herself on his lips and it fueled her fire. His arousal pressed against her stomach, reminding her of her original plan. Reaching between them, she took hold of his length and slowly began to stroke him. A few movements and he was done, breaking their kiss with a heated moan that was drowned out by her neck. He held still against her, needing to be close as long as possible, though he knew it was hard for her.

Lifting his head, he licked his lips, slowly and deliberately, letting the taste of her become stored in his memory. Her eyes were closed, making him anxious as he tried to figure out how she was feeling.

"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" he asked in a quiet panic.

Shaking her head, she licked her own lips to buy herself another moment and deep breath. "No, I'm fine. I- I cannot believe I did that."

"What?"

"I allowed you to-" Pushing him from her chest, Kahlan sat up, and repositioned her skirt, covering herself before grabbing her corset from the dirt. Bringing the cold leather to her chest, she hid herself from his view and closed her eyes in embarrassment. "I shouldn't have allowed it to go that far."

"Why not? Kahlan, we- What we just did, it was wonderful."

Standing, she searched the trees to be sure they were alone. "For you, Richard."

"You appeared to enjoy it as well, Mother Confessor," he said as his anger built. "I don't recall you asking me to stop."

"No," she whispered shamefully. "I didn't ask you to stop and I am sorry. I never should have..." Releasing a sigh, she met his eyes and hoped he wouldn't see her fear and shame. "I can't hurt you, Richard. I won't." Then she was moving, leaving him, once again, alone in the dark.

"You would never hurt me. In the time we've known each other, it has been me who has hurt you." She paused at his words, her heart breaking from the pain in his voice. "I know I can never erase what I put you through, but I promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it hurt less. I won't give up on a life with you and I won't stop loving you. You can push me away, but I will always be here, Kahlan. I will always love you."

Holding her eyes closed, she pushed back her tears. "Please do not waste your life on me."

He came to stand behind her and as though he did it every day, he circled his arms around her waist and held her tightly. "You are a fool to believe a life with you would be a waste." Kissing the side of her neck, he sighed, "I know you've been conditioned to believe no one can love you, but I do and I will find a way to be yours." Loosening his hold on her, he nudged his chin against her shoulder. "Would you like me to help you with your corset?"

"Yes, please."

He walked at his Confessor's side, keeping a small space between them as he explained the difference between tracks in the dirt. Richard told her about tracking when he was younger, softly telling her that he would teach their daughters. It was a painful subject for her, he knew, but he made his position very clear. Her laugh filled the air as he tripped, his eyes having lingered on her for a moment too long.

"Are you all right?" she asked through a chuckle.

Nodding, he returned to his feet and wiped his hands on his pants. "I didn't see the rock..."

"I don't imagine you did," Zedd said sternly as he stepped beside the couple. "Your eyes, my boy, should remain ahead of you; not on-"

"I know," he replied quickly, keeping his grandfather from embarrassing the brunette. "I will keep my eyes on the trail ahead, I promise."

"See that you do. Kahlan, will you walk with me?"

The wizard was silent for a moment, trying to find the right words. He cared for the Mother Confessor, just as he did his grandson, but if he remained quiet, he wasn't sure what would happen. "I don't know what is going on between the two of you, but I know how you both feel. Your magic isn't something that should be tested, dear one. I know what happened between him and the other woman and I know it is painful, but you both have a duty to your people."

"I understand my duty, Zedd. I will never hide from what I must do, but that doesn't mean my heart agrees to go as easily. I will take a mate and Richard will marry. The order of things cannot be changed. Spending the night with that woman may have made it easier for him. In some way, he has already had me and now, perhaps there is a chance for him to move on with less pain."

"You know that is not true, Kahlan. He will find it harder to let go of you, especially now that he knows it was not you. There is no force in creation that can tear him away from you."

"He knows the danger I hold within. There is a reason he laid with that woman and not me. She held no magic; I do." Glancing to the older man, she gave him a sad smile, "I know we cannot have a life together. I am hurt, but it was my doing and I will give up my life to protect him."

With a sigh, Zedd laid his left hand on her shoulder, "It is not your life you must give up, but your love for him."

"I will always love him, Zedd."

"Last night proved something different. He may have been safe for what the two of you did, but it will not last. If you continue to endanger his life, I will step in."

"You're right," she agreed softly, dropping her eyes in shame. "It will not happen again."

"Kahlan?" Richard's voice pulled her from her thoughts, making her jump. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Nodding, she tossed him a side smile, being sure the wizard didn't see. "I know, it's all right. I was thinking."

"About what?" he asked as he sat down beside her.

Moving quickly, she gave him her bowl of soup, knowing he was still hungry from his own. "The town we will be passing through within the week. I have someone there you should meet."

"Who?" he asked through a mouthful.

"Someone I trust. She-"

Shaking his head, Richard laid his spoon in the bowl and brought his hand to her thigh with a gentle squeeze. "She? Kahlan, does this have something to do with what you and Zedd spoke about?"

"It does, but not entirely." Pushing back his hand, she took the bowl from his left and brought it to her chest. It warmed her instantly, finding herself cold from her own words. "She will show you around while I speak with the people."

"For your duty," he whispered. "What did he say to you?"

"Nothing that has not been said before. It's all right, Richard." Looking back to the fire, she watched one of the smaller twigs crackle to life. It was a well-timed distraction as she spoke a question she had been thinking about for days. "When there were two of me," she started through a whisper, "the other one, in Aydendril, she took a mate?"

Nodding, the Seeker tried to understand what she was thinking, hoping it would not bring her more pain. "She did."

"Were you relieved? Did it make it easier for you knowing that it was not you, alone, who is with someone else?"

"No," he answered sadly. The moment he learned what she had done still lingered in his mind. It was pressing image of pain. "I imagine I felt the way you felt when I told you what had happened."

"I'm sorry," she whispered in response. If it was the same feeling, she hated that someone who looked like her made him hurt so.

"Why? Kahlan it wasn't you and what she did, it's not something one should apologize for."

"Why? Richard, she hurt you."

Nodding, he gave her a sad smile and tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. "I cannot fault or blame you for what she had to do. She wasn't you, she didn't know how you feel and the pain I know taking a mate would bring you. The woman who took him, she was acting under duty, not desire."

"Desire and duty are the same to a Confessor. We are bred for a single purpose."

"It's not who you are."

"Kahlan!" a woman shouted excitedly as she rushed toward them. She smiled widely and embraced the Mother Confessor. Richard watched in surprise, having never seen anyone respond to her this way. "I heard you were near! I'm so glad you've decided to come!" The woman was a head shorter than Kahlan, her hair light brown and short. She wore clothes he wouldn't expect someone in a smaller town to wear, imagining they were fit for Aydendril.

Returning the woman's hug, Kahlan smiled warmly. "Hello, Sarah. You look lovely."

Grinning, the smaller brunette gave a small curtsy, teasing the other woman with the action. "Thank you. You have been very generous." Taking her friend's hand, she beamed, "I cannot thank you enough for what you've done for us."

"It is not necessary. We will need a place to stay tonight."

"Of course, you can stay with me. There is plenty of room and I'm sure you can all use a good meal."

"That sounds wonderful!" Zedd said cheerfully, stepping forward.

Fighting a laugh, Kahlan motioned to the older man with her left hand. "This is Zedd, Cara and Richard."

"Hello! It's wonderful to meet you. Come this way and you'll have a safe place to rest."

"Sarah," Kahlan whispered, pulling her closer so their words would stay between them. "Are you- Is finding a husband still within your mind?"

"Yes, but why-"

"Perhaps you and Richard should spend the evening together. The two of you could spend time in the tavern and -"

Coming to a stop, the smaller brunette gave her friend a small smile. "I saw the way he looked at you, Kahlan. A night with me isn't going to change that."

"It might. I cannot give him the life he desires, but you can. I know you; trust you and I believe he could care for you."

"We both know caring is not how we want our man to feel towards us. He loves you, why take that away?"

"I can't hurt him and if I do not try something, I will destroy the man."

"He is important to you. I'm sorry, Kahlan. I will take him with me tonight, but I cannot promise you it will go as you would like."

"Thank you."


	3. Chapter 3

Kahlan awoke to the shift of her blanket. Opening her eyes, she jumped forward, surprised to see him sitting beside her. He was watching her intently, anger and pain filling his eyes. His fingers were folded tightly, turning his knuckles white as he sat still. The sight made her hair stand.

She was about to speak when he shifted and brought himself to face her. There was a different color to his lips, one she knew very well and that of her friend. They had kissed long enough for the color to transfer and it pained her. His hair was tussled, something she was only able to notice from his movement in the moonlight. Perhaps her plan had worked and he found himself with Sarah.

"Is that what you wanted?" he asked softly, doing his best to sound uncaring. "You sent me into her bed. What did you expect me to do? Kahlan how could you give me to that woman?"

"I didn't-"

"You did. This isn't a game, Kahlan!" She jumped at his temper, though he didn't appear phased by her reaction. "I can spend the night with every woman able and it would change nothing. I would still want you. In their every kiss, I would imagine your lips against mine and your body pressed to me. You tried to make a fool of me tonight and you hoped it would take me away, but you were wrong. Even after I spent hours drinking, I would not lay with her."

Shaking her head, she sighed. "You're drunk, you don't know what you are saying. Once you sleep, you'll feel better."

"Sleep won't change what happened. I know you love me, but I don't understand why you wanted me with another woman."

"You've been drinking, you-"

"Stop it! Kahlan, I know you and that is not what you want! Spirits, why can't you talk to me?"

With her heart pounding against her chest, she swallowed back her fear and moved forward. "Because talking isn't what I want to do." Pushing him back, she crawled onto his lap and leaned down to kiss him.

Circling his arms around her, he held their bodies close. Their kiss heating rapidly as they settled onto the floor. She could taste the other woman's lipstick and it made her work harder to please him. His hands raced over her, desperate to feel her silky skin. Pulling on her jacket, he found himself fighting the clasp and hating it for keeping part of her from him. Ripping the fabric, Richard tore the jacket from her body and tossed it aside. She didn't appear to mind his actions as she pulled his shirt over his head.

His fingers found her thighs and as slowly as he could, he caressed the skin beneath her skirt. Her hips rocked forward, unable to keep their desire hidden and locked away. His gentle pull on her thighs didn't help as he made it easier to roll against him. She felt his arousal beneath her, calling for attention and release. Her mind began to race in thought and fear, wondering if the other woman could provide him the pleasure he deserved.

He stopped her fingers just as they reached for the laces of his pants, knowing where her mind was. He couldn't let her continue on when there was pain between them. She was hurt and scared, afraid of the life she wanted, but unable to have. When her mind was her enemy, there was no stopping her.

"Kahlan, don't... This isn't what you want to do. I know- Kahlan, stop," he said quietly, doing his best to keep their actions between them as she kissed down his chest and stomach. Grabbing a fist full of her hair, he gave a gentle pull and soft plea. "Kahlan... Please stop." She pulled back with a speed quicker than a rabbit, embarrassed. Grabbing her blanket, she brought it to her chest as a comfort as her eyes fell to the ground. "Look at me," he whispered, reaching for her hand. "What's wrong?"

"Please go."

Shaking his head, Richard inched closer and brought his hands to her cheeks. Using his thumbs, he wiped her tears and tilted his head in the way she did when she wanted to understand. "I'm not going to leave you, all right? Kahlan, listen to me, I know this scares you, but you won't find me in bed with another woman."

"Please," she whispered, pulling back to remove his warmth from her body. "I need you to leave."

Surprising her, he pulled back and before she knew what he was doing, he was lying on her bedroll with his arms open. "Come here. It's all right, I promise. Just this, just tonight."

Staring down at the man she loved, Kahlan held still, knowing the night could only become worse. "She's a very beautiful woman."

"She is," he agreed, unmoving.

"Why are you here when she offered herself to you?"

"Why did you ask her to?" When she remained silent, he sighed as he began to understand her thoughts. "She's not you. I don't want a night of pleasure with a woman. I want you and I know you find it difficult to believe, but my love for you is not based on what happened between us that night in the trees. We sat in the tavern, drinking and my mind remained on you. It was you I wanted to be with."

"You can never be with me, Richard. I am a danger to you and as long as we do, this, I remain so. I can't hurt you."

"Your magic cannot hurt me more than your plan tonight. I am not an object you can give away when you have no use for it. The woman I know you to be would never act that way. Your feelings may be new, but I beg you not to let them harden you."

Her tears began to flow faster at his words and, for a moment, she gave no effort to hide them. Licking her lips she stood and slid her hands down her sides to smooth the nonexistent wrinkles. "Excuse me."

Grabbing her hand, he held her in place, refusing to let the conversation end at this point. She was in pain, he could see it as clearly as he felt his own and suddenly he knew what she needed. "I'll go," he said softly as he sat forward. "You should stay here and sleep."

Kahlan opened her eyes and looked around, surprised by the man at her side. She was lying in his arms with her head upon his chest and more comfortable than she could ever imagine. He was asleep from the slow thump of his heart, making her question if she should move and risk waking him. Memory of the night before flooded her mind and without another thought, she sat up. Pulling the blanket to her chest, she left him nearly exposed as she fought back her tears. She had come close to destroying him and yet, he laid at her side without fear.

With a soft cry, she bit down on her bottom lip to stop the sound from spreading. The previous night had been filled with things she never knew existed and a passion she never thought would be directed toward her. He had held her to him to help ease her tears and pull her into sleep, but it hadn't been long before their lips connected in a fury. Neither had their release, but they had come so close. He held back, just for her, just to prolong each moment until she lost consciousness.

"Are you all right?" he asked as he sat forward. "'Kahlan, are you- What's wrong?" Shaking her head, she tried to move away, but once again, he held her still. "I'm still me. You didn't hurt me."

"Richard, please... We have to dress and-"

"We are dressed. Kahlan, nothing bad happened last night. Look at us. We spent a night together and we are both still here. I know you had your worries, but you didn't hurt me."

Shaking her head, she turned to face him. "No, I didn't, but-"

"You can't dwell on that, Kahlan. I could be injured or killed in any fight, danger lurks around each corner. This, you and me, last night, it's everything we are fighting for."

Sitting down, she closed her eyes for a breath, knowing she couldn't look at him as she spoke. "I cannot give you the life you want, Richard. Everything we fight for, it's more than this." Looking to the floor, she swallowed her fear. "When we win this war, you will find another woman and you will marry. You will have a family, a son. I will return to Aydendril and take a mate."

"That's not how our lives will be. I won't marry another woman and it will be me you take to your bed and then, together, we will give your people a daughter." She said nothing, only turned her head away to shield her tears. "Come here. It's still dark, we have time before we need to head out."

Sarah walked in and held the curtain closed behind her as her eyes fell upon the couple on the floor. Richard lunged forward, instantly moving the blanket over Kahlan's body. She was still dressed, but he knew how she would feel to be seen in her corset. The room was well lit, telling him that the day had already begun.

"Your wizard is searching for you. I sent him into the market, but it will not keep him busy long."

Nodding, Richard gave her a sad smile as the Confessor at his side began to stir. "Thank you. I'll take care of it."

"What about her?"

Looking back to Kahlan, he met her eyes and smiled. "I'm going to find Zedd. He's worried again."

Nodding, she sat forward and watched the Seeker hurry past her friend. "I'm in trouble Sarah."

Watching Richard leave, the other brunette smiled politely and the moment he was out of sight, she came to her friend's side. "He's not going to jump into bed with another woman."

"You came close last night. Sarah, I cannot let him believe we have a chance at the life he wants."

Releasing a heavy sigh, the smaller brunette held her friend's eyes. "Kahlan, I know how hard this must be for you, but you cannot go back. He loves you; there is nothing you can do to change that. It may be difficult, but you have something you never imagined. There is a man who loves you and your magic has not taken him. He would die for you, willingly. You want to protect him and I understand, but it is far too late for that. Take advantage of these moments, the two of you will not live forever."

"I'm afraid. I cannot destroy the man I love for a moment of pleasure. He is a Rahl, he needs a son and I- I can never give him a family."

"Your magic doesn't have to release for the two of you to create a child. It is his pleasure you need and from how he looks at you, it won't take very much."

"I can't-"

"There's no harm if you do it correctly. Kahlan, listen to me, I do not suggest this lightly. I know how you feel about him and I promise he will be just as happy to have a daughter instead of a son." Laying her hand on her friend's shoulder, she smiled sadly, "Men like Richard, they do not come into the world very often. A love so strong... Please don't dismiss it for fear. You have no fear, remember?"

"On this," she replied softly, "I am filled with fear."

"You're only afraid because he is the first and only man you have ever loved. We won't let you go. Your mother, Kahlan, she would be thrilled for you. She would want you to be happy."

Staring down at the floor, the Mother Confessor fought the memories of her mother. "She would tell me it wasn't worth the loss. Think of others before yourself. The Seeker is more important than your simple desires."

"And your children are more important. How strong do you think your daughters will be? Richard has a strength that rivals yours."

"We are in the middle of a war, Sarah, I cannot think about having a child."

"But you do. I imagine the thought is in your mind at all times. You are a woman, Kahlan, this is who we are. Family is important to us and we think about it always. There is nothing more than what the two of you share. He loves you and before you make a decision to push him away, see this from his view."

"What do you mean?"

"He is twenty five and unmarried. There have been other women in his life, but he is still alone. The woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with is you. Of all of the women he has met, you are the one he wants."

Wiping her fresh tears, Kahlan sighed, "I cannot match other women. I am-"

"As inexperienced as a baby bird?" she chuckled. "I know. Trust me, he will enjoy leaning to please you together." Watching her expression, Sarah grinned, "You two have already begun to explore, haven't you?"

Holding a steady expression, she did her best to hide her embarrassment. "I have tried to please him."

Surprised, her friend shifted and grabbed her hands, "Tell me everything."

It didn't take long for Kahlan to go through what had happened between them and when she was finished, she straightened her back and waited for anger.

"You... With your mouth? How was it?"

"Strange," she answered honestly. "I was terrified and I had no idea what to do."

Grinning, Sarah leaned forward and whispered, "You must have figured it out and done very well." With a light chuckle, she shook her head. "I can't imagine he would be so forgiving had you removed it with your teeth." Raising an eyebrow, she bit her lower lip to keep from asking the one question on her mind. "Was- Is he... Well endowed?"

Moving to her feet, Kahlan smiled through her embarrassment. "Words would not do him justice." Before her friend could respond, the Mother Confessor swallowed and asked what had been lingering on her mind. "What happened last night?"

"Ask your Seeker. It's a wonderful story."

Giving the other woman a hug, she sighed, "Thank you. If I survive this war, I'll return for a visit."

"I look forward to it."

They had been surrounded before, but this time, everything was different. Richard spun around, keeping a close eye on the Mother Confessor, admiring the way she moved swiftly through the battle. She danced with their enemy and though she was exhausted, it never showed. Zedd had the banelings set ablaze before many could form a thought, but the ones who made it through the fire were bigger, stronger and they rushed in with a violent range. The sound of Cara's agiel echoed in his ears, the ring loud and familiar, telling him she was close. Turning, he let his eyes come to the dead one before him and with a quick, rough swing of his sword, took him down.

The battle was over within minutes, leaving the group in a sweat and heavy set of breaths. Kahlan stood three feet from the Seeker with her eyes closed and head lifted. He noticed her locked jaw and stepped forward in concern. Almost as soon as his eyes began to search her, he saw the blood. Rushing forward, he grabbed her right arm and began pulling her jacket from her body. She groaned softly as she attempted to pull away, not wanting him to see the wound.

"It's fine," she lied quickly, bringing her eyes to the wizard in panic.

Shaking his head, Richard gently pushed his fingers around the bloody skin. "No it's not. Kahlan-"

"Let me see," the wizard stated quietly, holding the young brunette's gaze. "How long ago?"

"I'm not sure. It doesn't matter," she added softly. "We both know what it is."

"Zedd, aren't you going to heal it?"

The older man nodded and laid his hand on her shoulder. "This is a different type of wound, Richard. I will not be able to heal it fully. Bring my pack to me, we will need the herbs to pack the wound closed."

"I don't understand. Why-"

"I need my pack," he interrupted, repeating himself to let his grandson know it was important to move fast. "Thank you," he added when the Seeker returned. They were sitting on the ground now and Kahlan had tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Zedd stared at the Mother Confessor, questioning her silently on if they were to tell the other man the truth.

"She's dying," Cara stated bluntly and in annoyance. Rolling her eyes, she stepped forward entering their small circle. "The blade used to stab her was made specifically for Confessors. I'm sure many have died from its poison. It spreads through her blood. She will be dead within a week."

Richard felt his heart fall to the ground as his eyes met Kahlan's. He thought he was going to be sick, but the anger within him held him firm. The Seeker tightened his hold on his sword, letting it fuel him and as the blade began to glow, she reached for his hand. She spoke his name, but he couldn't hear her, he couldn't waste a minute to listen when her life was in danger. She did not have long to live and he would kill all who planned against and attacked. He would make the world and the Spirits pay for what they had done to her and there would be no mercy.

"Richard!" the blonde shouted, pulling on his hand. With a hard kick, Cara removed the sword from his grasp and before he had a moment to retaliate, Kahlan stumbled to her feet and pulled him into her arms.

"It's all right... Richard, I'm right here."

Their next set of words were lost to the others at their side. They whispered in each other's ear and held the other tighter with each word. After a few moments, Kahlan pulled back and forced a smile. He could see the pain in her eyes and as he looked away, he noticed the discoloration of the skin around the wound and it was spreading. Swallowing his own heartache, he turned around and without a word, walked away and into the trees.

"Kahlan?" Zedd whispered behind her.

"I asked him to promise me something... He agreed. We should find a place to set up camp. I will leave you in the morning and return to Aydendril. My sister will find you within the month."

"You know what this will do to him... Kahlan, if he cannot say goodbye, it will kill him."

"No," she replied quietly. "It will be easier this way. He will have no memory of my final moments and he will move on." Staring down at the ground, she watched a leaf blow past her feet in the wind. "Perhaps this is a kindness upon us both."

"Kahlan," Zedd said, pulling her attention to him. "He will never agree to this plan. He loves you."

Fighting her tears, she nodded. "No, but you will help him see that this is best. We both know what he-"

"Do not fool yourself into believing he is the only one who wants to spend a night alone together. I know you're afraid dear one, but this could be the moment you have been waiting for."

"How can you say that? I could never- I will not take away the man he is. My final act cannot be destroying the man I love. He has memory of being with someone who looked like me."

"It is not enough; you know that. I do not suggest this lightly, but I know how the two of you feel about each other. He will be released upon your death-"

Stepping close to the wizard, she held his eyes in anger. "I will not destroy Richard. I cannot watch him fade away for a night of pleasure! I- Zedd, I can't watch him fade away before me. If I am to see him as I die... I want to see Richard, not an empty shell."

"I know it is hard, but you have time. We will travel the night and stay in Briene. We should be there just before nightfall if he hurry."

Nodding, Cara sighed, "I'll find Richard. We will follow behind."

Richard hadn't seen her in hours. He spent the evening eating next to the others with Kahlan nowhere in sight. His mind remained on her, even as he smiled at his friend's jokes and attempts to lighten the mood. The wizard knew it would be difficult for him to simply let it go, but he couldn't force the couple to sort it out together.

"Do you know which room is hers?" Richard asked before he could stop the words from escaping his lips.

Zedd held his grandson's eyes and took in a slow, deep breath. "You won't change her mind. She will leave in the morning."

"I know," the Seeker nodded, "but I need to talk- I need to say goodbye."

"And give her something to remember you by," Cara said softer than usual.

"I know Kahlan," he said to the blonde, looking down at the full plate of food before him. "She would never agree to- Even with her last breath, she wouldn't take me. She loves me too much. Zedd please, I need to see her."

"She is in the Confessor room at the end of the hall."

"Thank you." Pushing himself away from the table, he stood and without another word, walked away.

Richard knocked, a single tap on her door. There was no need for anything more. She would know who stood on the other side. When he heard no sound from the other side, he felt his heart race faster and threaten to break free of his chest. Prepared to break through the door, he took hold of the knob and turned. His heart stopped as the door opened and without hesitation, he rushed in. The bed was almost completely undisturbed. The tray of food at the foot was untouched, but there was an empty bottle of wine lying sideways on the blanket.

Turning toward the crackle of the fire, he dropped his shoulders in relief. The rush that had filled his heart before hurried away and replaced itself with panic at the sight. Kahlan laid, naked, on the floor beside her large bathtub. She was on her left side, facing the bath with a bottle of wine in her hand. Coming to her side, he shook her arm in desperation, silently praying for her to still be alive. Her head turned toward him, but her eyes barely opened.

"Kahlan, it's me... You're all right, I promise." Sitting down, he pulled the towel off of the small table at the side and laid it over her. "I know you're upset, but-"

"I'm not upset," she whispered suddenly, keeping her eyes closed. "I- I'm scared." Richard's head fell to the side as he watched her fight her tears. "I've always known it would happen. I have lived with it in the back of my mind that I would be killed in battle, but this... Knowing that it is coming and not in a way that would make it quick- I'm afraid of something that has never scared me before."

"I know you believe going back to Aydendril is-"

"I must go back," she interrupted, pulling the wine to her lips for a long sip. "When I die, if I stay, there will be no Confessor at your side. You are left open-"

"I'm left in danger with you gone. I do not want another Confessor at my side. I want you. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing I had fought for you. Kahlan, I can't let you go."

She chuckled, at last opening her eyes to meet his before taking another drink. "This is not a decision for you to make. I will leave in the morning and I will die-"

"Alone in your bed," he said sadly. "You deserve more than that."

"No... This is how it must be. I will die and you will be safe with my sister."

Lying down, he took the wine bottle from her hand and took a drink of his own. Staring up at the ceiling, he sighed, "You're not going to make this easy, are you?"

"The decision has already been made."

Turning his head, he met her eyes with a frown as he handed her back the bottle. "I don't think you're capable of making this decision on your own. Not after emptying-"

"I am capable of making my own choices, Richard."

"Not about this." Rolling onto his side he pulled on the towel, being sure her body was hidden from him. "I know you don't want me to say this, but if it is true and you leave tomorrow... Kahlan, I love you."

"No," she whispered painfully. "You don't; you can't. Richard no one can love a Confessor and after tomorrow, you will find it to be true. You will be able to go on with your life and find someone... You'll get married and have children."

"You're wrong. How can I do those things when the woman I want them with, that I love, is gone?" Bringing his fingers to her hair, he brushed several strands behind her ear to reveal more of her face. "It's you that I love, Kahlan."

"Please stop saying that. Please..."

"I need you to know. I- I can't let you go without you knowing how I feel. Kahlan, I can't lose you."

Blinking her tears free, she sucked in a breath and fought the urge to cry into his chest. "I need you to leave, Richard. Please..."

"I can't- I won't. If I am to lose you tomorrow, I'm not spending another minute away from you." Taking the bottle once more, he swallowed the remainder of the liquid and then pulled her into his arms. "I'm going to hold you all night, alright?"

The towel shifted as she moved into his arms, revealing her soft skin as his hands held her to him. It was a sensation he would never tire of and it made his heart race.


	4. Chapter 4

Opening her eyes, she sighed, realizing he was still holding her in his arms. She must have fallen asleep, but it couldn't have been for long. The fire was still popping and his hold was just as tight, making her question her next move. His heart was steady beneath her hand. He was awake.

"You must be tired," she whispered, fighting the urge to lift her head and meet his eyes.

"I'm fine," he told her without hesitation. "You were only asleep for a few minutes, I think you're the one who's tired."

Pulling the towel to her chest, she sat up and did her best to avoid his gaze. "I'm going to be able to sleep my fill in a few days. I think I'll manage a night without it."

"Kahlan-"

"Please... There is no denying what's to come." Moving to her feet, she stepped over him, making sure her body was shielded. "Turn away please." Richard closed his eyes and turned his head, allowing her to drop the towel onto him as she stepped into her bath. "Thank you."

"It must be cool by now..." Sitting up himself, he looked at her face, studying the expression he had come to know very well. "Would it be all right if I helped it reheat?"

"It's all right, Richard. I'm fine."

Laying his arms on the side of the bathtub, the Seeker frowned. "You should be comfortable."

Her smile was warm and comforting and for the first time there was no fear in her eyes. "I am, thank you." To his surprise, she reached out and laid her right hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to stay here. I'll be-"

"I know you'll be fine, but I won't. I can't go to my room and lay in bed while I stare at the roof, waiting for morning to come and then... I can't watch you leave."

"And I can't let you watch me die."

"I know."

Without thought, Richard brought his left hand to her cheek and frowned. "I'm sorry, Kahlan. I should have- I should have protected you."

"You did," she whispered, taking in the warmth of his touch. "This isn't your fault. No one could have known what the blade was."

"I should have taken the wound. If I had been faster- Kahlan, if I had fought him instead, he couldn't have hurt you." Closing his eyes, he lowered his head, hoping to keep her from being able to read him clearly as he replayed the battle in his mind. He had seen the man approach and the feeling he had of pride as he watched her spin around fell with his heart as he let his mind focus on his intent. "I love you, Kahlan."

He heard the water move, but he didn't look up, he couldn't. "You know how I feel about you Richard, but you will be able to find someone and-"

"Don't say that," he pleaded softly. "Kahlan, you know me-"

"I know you will find happiness, even if it's without me." Her words opened his eyes and brought them to hers and to his surprise, she allowed him to see her tears. "I'm not saying I'm thrilled about it..."

He knew she was trying to ease the mood and keep herself from revealing too much, but she wore an expression he had never seen before. Taking her face in his hands, he licked his lips as he tried to read it. "I will never love anyone the way I love you."

"You don't know that, Richard."

"I know two things. The love I have for you, I never thought it could exist and if I lose you, I will never allow myself to feel this way again."

Her head tilted in sadness as she reached for his hands and pulled them into hers. "You cannot stop your heart from loving someone. You have your life ahead of you, a family waiting to-"

"You're the only woman I've imagined a family with. Kahlan, how can I start a family with another woman when I know they won't be ours? I know you believe I shouldn't love you and that I will realize that when you're gone, but you're wrong."

Blinking through her tears, she shook her head and leaned forward against the bathtub. "I could never give you a family, but someone else, she can. Nothing could ever come of us."

"I don't believe that's true," he whispered. "I'd give everything for a life with you."

"Me too," she said softly. She was dying and there was no need for her hide her feelings anymore.

His lips were suddenly upon hers and she returned the kiss just as hungry. Releasing his hands, she brought hers to his face and pulled him close, moving up to remove more space between them. With his hands sliding over the silky skin on the back of her shoulders, he found himself wishing for more.

Richard pulled her closer, doing his best to soak in her warmth for as long as possible. Her fingers were wound in his hair, keeping him near as she tilted her head and deepened their kiss. He wanted to touch her, to pull her from the water and lay over her for the rest of the night. He wanted to give her everything imaginable, a night unlike every other and for the first time, show her what they could have. From the passion in her kiss he knew she had similar desires, but he could feel something she wouldn't speak to. She always hid a part of herself away and he felt it sneak away in the first moment of their kiss.

She would swallow fire to protect him and her magic was no different. She feared the loss of his soul and would do anything to keep him safe. With the thought in his mind, he lifted until they were both standing. He expected her to step back, to break their kiss and rethink, but she didn't. Pulling a breath away, he pressed his forehead to hers and held his eyes closed. He knew she was looking at him and he didn't have to look to see the embarrassment and confusion in her eyes.

"I love you, Richard." Her words were soft and breathless, spoken in a tone he had rarely heard.

His lips pulled into a wide smile as he tightened his arms around her. He could feel her chest pushing into his with each of her deep breaths and he began to wonder if she could feel his heart thumping rapidly. There were so many things he wanted to say to her and knowing the words she spoke were rare made him bring his eyes to hers and say the only thing meaning as much, "And I love you. I always will."

"I know you don't want to talk about this, but I-"

Shaking his head, he took hold of both her hands and held onto his smile. "Come lay down with me."

"Richard-"

He knew where her mind went, where her thoughts lingered and before she could continue down their trail, he stepped forward. "I won't look at you, I promise."

She hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth to speak before thinking it over and deciding against the action. Her heart raced in a way she could never describe and being completely naked before him did nothing to help. "You don't want to?" she whispered in a mixture of embarrassment, shame and desire.

Confused, he tilted his head and fought his instinct to do what came naturally. "The desire is not something I lack Kahlan, but I assure you, my imagination is running wild."

Her breath caught in her throat. There was something in his eyes and he gave no effort to hide it from her. Licking her lips, she bought herself a moment to find her voice. "You can put it to rest..." His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't look away from hers. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that." Looking down, she pulled her hands from his and attempted to cover herself in embarrassment.

Taking hold on her arms, he stopped her movements. "Don't do that. I know what you're thinking, but I also know how much fear you are holding onto right now. Kahlan, you don't have to be afraid. I'm not going to-"

"I want you to," she whispered suddenly, needing him to know the truth. "I will be dead in days, this- This is the only chance I have to know what you think of me."

"You're beautiful," he replied. "I don't have to look upon you to know that. I know you, Kahlan-"

"Please..."

"Come with me," he said tenderly. Taking her hand, he stepped to the side, giving her room to step out of the bathtub easily. He led her to the bed, moving slowly to be sure she wouldn't slip. "Here," he whispered, turning them both so that she stood before him and against the large bed. With a gentle motion, he lowered her onto the thick blankets, easing her farther up until she was fully laid out before him. Crawling onto the bed himself, he held her eyes as he moved to straddle her, making sure she had time to change her mind. His mind raced in anticipation, imaging how the night would go on. Coming to a stop just below her hips, he licked his lips. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." The word was breathless and soft as a secret.

His eyes moved slowly, leaving hers and coming to her lips, taking note on the way she parted them for a breath. Looking from her jaw to her neck, he found himself wondering how such perfect skin was created and as he continued to explore, he found his gaze upon her chest, so close to her breasts he couldn't breathe. The sight before him was more perfect than he could imagine and he had tried more times than he was able to remember. Lowering his gaze further, he did his best to keep his eyes from lingering on the scars, one in particular. Her stomach was tight and fit, but held signs of war and pain. Her stomach raised higher as she began to breathe heavier in fear.

Bringing his eyes back to hers, he licked his lips. "I'm afraid words are unable to describe how beautiful you are." Tears began to fill her eyes at his words covering a small portion of relief within them. "Don't cry."

Moving slowly, she sat up and reached forward, touching her right hand to his face. "You are..." As she wiped her thumb across cheek, she found herself more comfortable than she had ever been and there was a safeness she had never known to exist. There were no words to describe what she saw in his eyes. "Richard-"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted, slouching his shoulders forward. "I should have protected you. I should have taken the blade myself and saved you from-"

"No. You cannot do this to yourself. This is not your fault. Richard, please... You can't hold onto what happened. I do not blame you."

"I blame myself, Kahlan. I couldn't protect the woman I love and because I failed, I'm going to lose her. I will feel the loss with my every breath." Closing his eyes, he took in a slow; deep breath, "There will never be a moment where I won't think of you and what I've lost. To say it is a tragedy would not come close to the truth of it all."

"My death is not a tragedy, Richard. Look at me, I need you to understand." When their eyes met, she smiled and it almost spread across her face. "My life before you, had I died then, it would be a different story. Since I met you, everything has changed. I have had the chance to experience something I never thought I could. I've- I love you and in my final moments, my thoughts will not be on a battle I could not win, but on you. I leave this life with far more than I ever thought possible."

"It's not your life that should be lost."

"And it is not yours either. We cannot speak for the plans the spirits have and we can't change what is done. Everything we have ever faced and those we have fought, they brought us here to this moment. Though it is different than I would like, I am glad to be here."

He could see her calm before him and he knew there was nothing he could say that would change anything. She was preparing herself for what was to come and it pained him to know it had reached that point. There was so much she was going to miss and she was letting it happen without fight or truly living. Pushing his fingers into her hair, he moved her hair back behind her ear to show more of her face. He would never tire of the view. Her eyes closed as she allowed herself to feel his touch completely.

Taking advantage of the moment, he leaned forward and grazed his lips against hers, testing it. She returned his kiss in full and went with him as he pushed them onto the bed. Laying above her, he eased part of his weight onto her, removing any space between them. She shifted, instantly allowing him access to her completely as her arms wrapped around his neck. Their kiss deepened as they hungrily responded. His left hand slid down her side to her leg and gently pulled it upward, giving her a small amount of pressure where she didn't know she needed it.

Her head pushed back into the thick blankets, breaking their kiss and he wasted no time in continuing his actions. Moving his lips over her jaw and down her neck, sliding his tongue across her skin for a few breaths. Her fingers found their way to his hair and held him to her, soaking in every feeling he gave her. He covered her chest with his lips, kissing over every inch of her available. A loud gasp left her lips as he ran his tongue over her right breast. Her skin was soft and he could never describe the taste; the arousal that filled him.

Richard continued to move his hands, one squeezing her left breast while the other teased down her stomach. Her breaths came out in pants, her fingers switching between pulling on his hair and pushing into his scalp. Her body screaming for more while she tried to push her desire and needs down. He didn't stop as he switched between breasts, being sure to give them both the same amount of attention. His teeth grazed her skin gently as his fingers moved over her, bringing her to shove her arm into her mouth to muffle the scream of his name. The action didn't stop or slow him, only pushed him on to give her as much pleasure as possible.

His body ached for her, painfully restrained in his pants, but he did nothing to aid himself. Bringing his lips back to hers, he pushed forward, testing her. Her body accepted him instantly, tightening around his finger and pulling a long moan from deep within him. Her hips shifted, her body responding without delay and instinctively, she acted for more. Her leg lifted, pushing against him, making it more difficult for him to focus. His movements sped, though his intentions were to ease her into it.

Kahlan reached between them, unable to keep herself from acting. She unlaced his pants quickly, relieving the pain he felt from the restraint. He wanted to give her what she wanted, what her body cried out for, but he couldn't. He knew how it would make her feel, how her heart would break as her magic flew through him and if he entered her, he wouldn't be able to stop until they were lost together. Breaking their kiss, he buried his head in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent as his fingers continued to move.

She would come undone soon and he knew she would hold on with everything she had. Within breaths, she withered beneath him, gasping his name as she tightened her hold, not only on his head, but his fingers as well. Her breathing began to slow, her arms loosening around him and as he lifted his head to meet her eyes, he felt himself panic for a moment at the sight.

Easing off of her, he pulled his hand back and reached to her face with his other. She was pale and her nose was bleeding, bringing his first action to be wiping his thumb beneath it. Her eyes could barely stay open, but she did her best to hold his as he shifted beside her.

"I love you," he whispered. Wrapping his right arm under her left, he rolled her onto her side and pulled himself against her, his face against her chest. He felt her body relax against his as she drifted to sleep, exhaustion and stress taking their toll.


	5. Chapter 5

Richard awoke calmly, finding himself still held tightly in her arms. Remaining still, he listened to her heartbeat, making sure she was all right. She was warm, a surprise considering she was completely naked. He wondered if he should cover her and move away, thinking it may make what was to happen next easier on them both. He had thought of a million reasons he could say to keep her with him, but he couldn't bring himself to say any of them to her.

Reaching behind him, he pulled on the blanket, hoping to keep from knocking the tray of food off of the bed. There was only a little light in the room, telling him that it was still early and the fire had gone out long ago. The plates on the tray clinked together, bringing him to pause instantly and bring his eyes back to her face.

She was looking at him, almost smiling as she remained silent. Raising an eyebrow, she shifted and brought her arms to her chest, covering herself as she rolled onto her back. "You don't have to do that."

"I know," he replied, moving without pause now that she was awake. Pulling the blanket over, he covered her naked body, making it easier for her to lay without thought. "I want you to be comfortable. "

"Because I may die at any moment?"

"No," he whispered, letting her words roll around in his mind, "because I love you." Moving back to her side, he laid his right hand over her stomach and held her eyes. "How bad is the headache?"

"It's nothing I can't handle."

Blinking slowly, he moved to wipe his thumb over the skin beneath her nose, trying to remove a little more of the blood. "You bled for a while in the night, but you seemed to sleep soundly."

"I did?" She lifted her head and looked down at the bed, noticing the red stain on the white blanket beside her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's all right. I understand. I- I was afraid you wouldn't wake up. Kahlan, why- Why did you hold on? I know it hurt and I could see the strength you used to keep from letting go of your magic..."

Relaxing onto the bed, she sighed. "I would never hurt you. If I would have released my magic, you would have been lost and I can't go through the last of my life knowing I had destroyed the man I love."

A small smile crawled onto his lips as he leaned against her, keeping his right hand on her face. "Thank you for the concern."

She couldn't fight the laugh that rumbled out, matching his before he kissed her. A part of him was surprised she returned his kiss, though he was more than grateful to have another chance at the action. She was calm and collected, her kiss almost as he imagined it would be if they had an eternity of each other. There was passion, but there was more than that. He couldn't feel her fight the motion as she usually did and instead of her pulling back, she pushed forward.

Breaking their kiss, Richard held himself close, continuing to hold her to him. His body was already awake and calling out for hers. He wanted more, wanted a night within her, but it couldn't happen. She would be leaving soon, going home where she would die and it killed him to know it would be the end.

"What's wrong?" she asked in a heated breath. Her mind raced over the events of the previous evening and she was desperately waiting for an encore.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

"You didn't hurt me last night..."

Grinning, he shook his head, "You bled for hours..."

"That wasn't your fault, Rich-"

"What happened last night, that isn't all that I want to do." Taking in a slow; deep breath, the Seeker fought his urges. "Kahlan, I want to give you so much more. I-" Rolling onto his back, he swallowed his racing heart and closed his eyes. He couldn't risk the chance that he would meet hers, not when he wasn't sure he could stop himself. "Last night was nothing compared to what I would like to give you. Last night was merely a breath of my love for you."

She studied his face for a moment as she rolled onto her side and laid her left hand on his chest. Her heart was racing and her mind spinning, unable to keep from imagining what it would be like to be with him the way he wanted. He kept his eyes closed, but she didn't need to see them to know what he felt and thought. He was filled with a pain that, for now, overshadowed his dearie and passion for her. There were many things he wasn't saying and from his locked jaw, she knew he fought them all.

"I- I don't know very much on the subject, but last night, Richard I've never known anything like that existed." Licking her lips, she allowed herself to think about something she usually hid from. "I know there's more, that you can have more, but for me, it was everything."

Richard opened his eyes and turned his head, meet her gaze and seeing a light layer of tears covering them. "Kahlan-"

"Please don't," she whispered, knowing what he was going to say. Blinking free her tears, she looked away, trying to hide it from him and keep the mood from shifting completely. "I should get dressed. It won't be long before I-"

"Stay," he interrupted, grabbing her arm and holding her still. "I need you to understand... Kahlan, I need you to know that I would give you anything and everything you want. I would spend my life making you happy and I- I love you and I'm... ashamed to have only given you a small portion of what you deserve."

After a moment of hesitation, Kahlan surrendered and laid back beside him. Bringing her eyes to the roof, she sighed. "This is going to end badly, Richard."

"I don't believe that."

Shaking her head, she chuckled, "Of course not. You only see the good side of things."

Rolling onto his side, he laid his arm over her. "There is no good side of what's happening to you, Kahlan. Nothing good comes of your death."

"You're forgetting something very important."

"What?"

Taking in a slow breath, she turned her head to face his. "I'll be free." She watched his heart break through his eyes, her words holding still in his mind. "It's all right, Richard. My death brings something I have always longed for."

"No..." It was all he could think of to say. He couldn't imagine how she felt wanting her own death for any period of time. How bad her life would have been for her to want it to end? She had told him stories, many in fact, but he always wondered if she left something out. Was it only stories from her past that made her feel this way? Had he done something or failed to make her life better? "Why would you long for such a thing?"

Licking her lips, she gave him a sad smile. "There are things about my life you are unable to understand."

"You can help me to-"

"The last conversation I have with you should not be on the subject."

"Why not?"

"Because there is enough sadness in our lives."

"There is no sadness when I am with you."

Shaking her head, she frowned. "That's not true." Rolling over, she pushed her hand against his chest, letting her fingers slip through the small opening of his shirt and touch his skin. He was softer than she thought he would be, though his chest was hard, making her body ache to feel more. "Sadness and pain is all I am capable of giving you."

"That's what you need to tell yourself to fit the woman your council and people have said you to be, but it isn't true. I have never met anyone who has made me happier, even when she was pushing me away. There's never been an easier woman to talk to, or one as frustrating," he smiled. "I love you."

"I'm frustrating?" she questioned with a small smile.

Releasing a light chuckle, he nodded and rolled onto his back, pulling her with him. "Extremely. Sometimes I can't understand, but I know that is what you want. You stand before me, this beautiful, powerful and compassionate woman, someone who expects nothing but hate and anger, but gives every piece of herself to others... You don't want others to know how much you care or how the way they look and treat you hurts you. You don't like to hurt people and they think that is all you do. And you- Kahlan, you would risk your own life for others and they- You... Last night, you held on to something that would be released so easily, that should have been released, but you didn't." Looking to her eyes, he sighed, "I know why, but I don't understand. You could have had something more sensational and a pleasure-"

"Your soul is not worth a moment of pleasure. When I look at you for the last time, I want to see you and not the shell I would have made you become." Taking in a breath, she brought herself to lean against his chest, wishing their skin could touch. "Am I that frustrating to you?"

"More than you know," he said as both a tease and the truth. "I've never known anyone like you."

"That's because you've never met a Confessor before."

"No," he whispered in reply, holding her gaze. "I have learned everything I need to, from you, to know they are nothing similar. They would have taken me when it suited them, but not you, even when I asked you to. They don't fear the time they take their mate; you do. Your heart is heavier than theirs."

"No-"

"Take me now," he said quickly, pulling her on top of him. "If you are no different, take me and do as you wish." His hold loosened on her arms as he watched her eyes fill up with tears. She didn't look away, but her lips parted and he could almost hear her thoughts. "Your magic could not make me love you anymore than I already do. I know you're afraid, and I'm sorry I- You are different from them and it isn't wrong."

Taking in a deep breath, she swallowed her thoughts and moved unexpectedly. Sitting up, she let the blanket fall away and reveal her to his eyes, which dropped to her chest instantly. "I am not different from them, Richard."

Bringing his gaze back to hers, he frowned. "Yes, you are. You have the same kind of magic and long, beautiful hair, but your heart... No one has a heart like yours." Reaching up, he pushed her hair over her left shoulder, revealing more of her to him, but keeping their eyes locked. "You're more than you will ever know."

Breathing deeply, she straightened her back and lowered her eyes to his shirt and vest. Taking the brown leather in her hands, she pulled gently. "Show me."

"Kahlan... I don't think-" He stopped himself as he watched the expression on her face change. He could see her desire and fear, making him want to comfort her. Shifting his body, he removed his vest just in time for her to move enough for him to be able to sit forward and remove his shirt.

Before he could lower his arms, she leaned forward and pressed her chest to his. It was a feeling unlike anything else she had ever known. She could feel his heart pounding in his body, thumping the same speed as hers. She had always wondered what it felt like to have her skin touch his and the reality was more than she imagined. Her eyes slid closed as his arms circled her, bringing them closer as his lips touched her shoulder.

Richard rested his chin against her shoulder, using the moment to hug her tightly, knowing it would be over soon. As he began to control his breathing, he started to wonder what was going through her mind. No one had ever touched or held her this way and he was curious to know how it felt to her. Could there be something more he could do? Would he be able to make her feel his embrace the way she should?

"You're warm," he whispered, hoping it would bring her to tell him anything and everything.

Smiling, she stroked her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "That's because I am stealing it from you."

"Thief," he chuckled.

She pulled back just enough to meet his eyes. "Do you want me to give it back?" She spoke in a way that said more than her words and her eyes were dark, threatening to any other man, but his.

"No," he found himself panting. The desire he saw in her matched his own, making it nearly impossible to hold himself back.

Holding his eyes with hers, she gave him a smile that set him on fire. "What do you want?"

"You," he breathed out before he could stop himself. Once the word left his lips, he acted to keep their moment from becoming lost. Touching her face, he rubbed his thumbs gently across her cheeks. He would never tire of feeling her skin and the spark he felt go through him at their touch. "I know we can't-"

Placing her hand against his chest, she pushed until his back was on the bed and slowly moved over him. Running the fingers on her right hand through his hair, she brought her lips to his chest and kissed slowly. His head fell back, taking in the sensation of her mouth on his hard chest. She took just as much care in her actions as she did in her own every day. She moved slowly, drawing out every action. No woman had ever been with him this way, another thing he was able to experience with the one he loved.

She tasted his skin, her tongue gliding down his stomach while she brought both of her hands to the laces of his pants. She didn't know when he half tied them, but she was grateful he hadn't done his best. Within a single breath, she was able to free him and pull a low moan from deep within him. Her hair danced on his skin, as she moved, seamlessly taking him in inch by inch. Lifting his head, he forced himself to look down at her, trying to memorize the beautiful sight.

He was fighting his release with every ounce of strength within him. Just as he began to bite down on his tongue, she pulled back, releasing him from her mouth and brought her lips to his in fluid movement. The kiss was rough for a moment, both fighting their urges as she rocked forward. He could feel her desire, her readiness as she slid over him to deepen the kiss. Letting his fingers become lost in her hair, he shifted beneath her, giving her a little more of the pressure she needed.

It was a whole new feeling, her body touching his. Not just below the waist, which was more erotic than she imagined, but their chests as well. She had always envisioned the act to be tamer, but it was far from what her mind created. He had his left arm wrapped around her, holding her against him as though he needed her presence to breathe and the other on her thigh, keeping it in place to allow them both more pleasure. Their mouths parted with a gasp from each as he began to slip within her, a feeling neither were prepared for.

Richard grabbed her hips and held her still, doing his best to fight his instinct to pull her onto him. He could feel her body stretch for him, the action making her body shake as her abs tightened. Opening his eyes, he studied her face, knowing it had to be painful for her, but she gave no sign of it. She met his eyes and the sight nearly ended him. She was close and the darkness, covering her blue, screamed out for him.

Moving slowly, he lifted her from him and gently laid her beside him. She was panting with an expression he couldn't read, but she said nothing. He was about to kiss her again when she reached down and took him in her hand. Pushing his head back into the bed, he whispered her name, his left hand reaching to touch her in any way. He was done within moments.

She kept her eyes on him, her heart racing in a way only he could make it. The idea of a man finishing had never been attractive to her, but watching him made her realize nothing was more arousing.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes. "I- We couldn't- I could never forgive myself if..."

"I know; it's all right." Pulling back her hand, she rolled onto her back in embarrassment. She never thought she would find herself in a moment like this, feeling a cross between need and shame. "I understand why you didn't want-"

"I wanted to," he told her quickly, making sure she didn't have time for the thought to roll through her mind. "I wanted to be with you more than claim my next breath, but... Kahlan, all I could see was what could happen next. There are two ways it could have gone and I couldn't hurt you with them."

"What do you mean?"

He knew what she was asking, but he smiled at her innocence. "If we made love and you confessed me... There isn't a single thing that would stop you from killing yourself to set me free. And if you had held on, if we had laid together and you kept your magic within, we could have created a child and I know the pain you would feel as you came to learn she was there and just before you... You wouldn't be able to tell me, you'd be sitting alone in your home and in a pain I can't imagine. I couldn't hurt you, Kahlan."

"I may have died before I knew," she said with half a smile.

Richard frowned, unwilling to let her change the mood into something less that it was. "You would wonder, as would I... As much as I wanted to give you- To show you how much I love you, I couldn't risk taking away any moments of joy you have remaining."

"Thank you." It was all she could think of to say. She began to think on his words and wonder what their daughter could look like. Sometimes she didn't understand how he could think so far ahead. In that time above him, she could barely form a single thought as her mind and body focused on the pleasure of his love. "We should dress. I will need to leave soon."

"Promise me something," he said softly as she sat forward and reached for the blanket to cover herself.

"If I can."

"Promise me that you won't let yourself be alone."

"That is not something I can promise, but I will try."

He watched her move and retrieve her dress from the stand beside the bathtub. His eyes remained on the changing wall as she dressed out of view and when she returned to his sight, he sat forward for a better look. He wanted to remember her this way. With her hair tangled from his fingers and her chest covered in a light sweat from their activities and her white dress hugging her perfect form. The Mother Confessor, the woman he loved, stood before him and he felt himself at peace.

Richard grew angrier with each day, taking down their enemy before they had a moment to think. He gave no mercy as his pain filled him. Each night he did his best to stay awake, hoping the other Confessor would find them soon and let him know the woman he loved had made it home. The thought of her dying in the Confessor's Palace upset him with every breath. She should be there, with them, with those who cared about her and not her magic. He wondered what they would say to her. Would they rejoice in secret or weep with the loss?

From the stories Kahlan had told him, he believed they would congratulate the man who wielded the blade and he would allow them to meet in the Underworld. When the rifts were sealed, he would go to her home, to the place she took her last breath and from there, he would avenge any wrong that come to her. His heart raced in madness, his despair taking over at every beat.

Staring at the fire before him, he could hear her laugh as though she sat beside him. It was a sound he would never hear again, but never forget. It had been rare, a mythical sound that called out to the spirits around them. Closing his eyes, he tried to push the sound from his mind, finding that it only pulled him in deeper.

He could almost feel her next to him, leaning her shoulder against his as she pointed to one of the rows of ants on the ground. She once told him how their movement comforted her. They always traveled in the same route and if they worked together, everything would be fine. It was the same way she viewed their own world, though for her, it wasn't so simple. Staring down at the small insects, he took in one deep breath after another in the hopes that somehow it would do the same for him.

The warmth of the fire made it easier for him to imagine her with him and before he realized, he was talking softly to her the way he always did. She responded just as quietly, keeping the conversation between them. Smiling, he turned to look at her and suddenly, he felt his heart drop. He was alone, sitting on a stump without the woman he loved. It was driving him insane having her gone and it was never going to be easier not knowing when she died.

"Richard," a voice spoke, pulling him from his thoughts with a shock and draw of the sword. "It's all right, it's me," Dennee whispered as she came closer, holding her hand out for him to see she was not a threat. The disappointment in his eyes didn't go unnoticed, but she knew better than to mention it. "I heard you were close when I reached the last city."

"How is she?"

"She was tired. I think she pushed herself to arrive home. Here," she added, reaching into her pack. "She asked me to give you this."

Taking a piece of parchment from her hand, he pulled it close and held it to his chest. "What-"

"I do not know. I was ordered not to look and make sure I gave it to you the minute I arrived."

Turning away, he unfolded the paper and closed his eyes just as writing appeared. Staring down, he let his eyes linger on her handwriting. She had been in a hurry and he knew she would, wanting to make sure she had it finished before she lost her last chance to make sure it got to his hands.

 _Richard, please do not worry about me. I am safe until the time arrives._

 _I love you._

 _Kahlan_

His heart raced at the way she wrote his name, the smooth flow of the ink that was as delicate as her. What stood out the most, more than the three words she had written clearly, was the way she wrote her name. He had seen her write and sign a number of documents and never had she signed her name alone. This wasn't a letter from the Mother Confessor, this was a love letter from Kahlan.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned back to the reminder of his failure and nodded. "Thank you."

"I take it, you're not going to tell me what it's about..."

"No, but I imagine you already know. You know Kahlan, better than anyone-"

"Anyone other than you. I saw the look in her eyes, the same one in yours now. I'm sorry, Richard."

Nodding, he gave her a sad smile. "Me too."

"I think you may want this as well." Returning to her pack, pulled out something small and folded. Holding it tightly in her hand, she paused her actions and closed her eyes. Pushing down her own emotions, Dennee handed him another piece of parchment, this one thicker and colored. Richard stared down in wonder, a smile pulling on his lips at the sight of the woman he loved. "The painting was done just before we left Aydendril. I think it belongs with you."

Fighting a layer of tears, he reached out and took her hand. "Thank you."

The war continued on as he lost pieces of himself every day. He waited for the word that would surely come to the other Confessor, telling them of their loss, but it never came. Days turned into weeks and after two, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He stormed into cities, fighting anyone against him and pushing toward the final goal. When he defeated the keeper, he would allow his own death to come and at last, meet her in the afterlife. It wouldn't be long now, all he had to do was wait.

"You can't go on like this," Dennee said as she walked past the blonde to stand at his side. "She wouldn't want-"

"I know what she wanted," he snapped. "I can't do it. I cannot go on and pretend I can love someone else."

Grabbing his arm, she turned him toward her and sighed. "I don't think that's what she wanted. She wouldn't want you to pretend, but she would want you to try to find happiness."

"She was my happiness."

"And what would you have done when this was over? You could not take her to your bed, there would be no family of your own..."

"I would find a way. I wouldn't give up until I could give her anything and everything she needed. I- I know you don't understand, but the way we felt about each other, neither of us would have given it up. I'm not saying it would have been easy, but it would have been more than worth it."

"What happened between you two? She seemed different when I saw her-"

Taking in a deep breath, he turned his head and met her eyes. "I did my best to show her how much I love her."

"You two spent a night together?" She couldn't hide the surprise in her voice, but she was grateful he didn't mention it. "I'm sorry, I- I never thought she would risk the man she loved."

"She didn't," he told her quietly, trying to keep from looking at the Mord'Sith who stared in disbelief. "She would have held on long enough to kill her and I couldn't... I couldn't fail her again."

"If she allowed you near her- If my sister let you be close enough to her to hold... I assure you, she did not believe you failed her. I know Kahlan well enough to know that whatever happened between the two of you, it was more than she had ever hoped to experience."

"Yet, it wasn't enough."

"Richard-"

Taking a few steps, he looked around them and sighed. "Words would never be enough, not for Kahlan, not for someone who was trained to believe no one would love her. What we had, what we did that night, it fell short to having shown her enough to prove my love. I didn't need her magic to flow through me to be hers completely, but I feel I am lost without it. Maybe I was able to show her how I feel, but it wasn't enough because she had to keep a part of herself hidden."

Releasing a heavy breath, the Confessor watched him closely. "You feel you sent her a message that your love only covered a portion of her?"

"Didn't I?"

"No." Both turned around the Cara's voice, both surprised by the tone and gentleness of her features in the moonlight. "She knew nothing of love before meeting you. Everything she experienced was through you and your actions, making it impossible to have shown anything without everything."

Moving to face his friend, he gave a sad smile. "Thank you, Cara."


	6. Chapter 6

Richard waited beside Dennee, desperately wishing the letter in her hands was not what he knew it to be. Zedd stared across the small road at the other two, confused, but unwilling to show it. He had thought his plan would work, that the night the Confessor and Seeker spent alone would save her, but it appeared more and more each day that it was not what had happened. He began to wonder if when his grandson gave Nicci his magic, he lost more than he thought. The magic he should have, it would have been strong enough to save the woman he loved.

"What does it say?" Richard asked softly, leaning forward to get a look at the paper.

Shaking her head, the Confessor dropped her hand to her side, clinging to the letter. "It's from the High Council." Turning to the man behind her, she tilted her head, almost in the same manner Kahlan always did. "I don't understand. She's still alive. Kahlan is still alive."

The tears in her eyes were nothing to match the ones in Richard's. "Kahlan is alive?" There was no hiding the joy and relief in his voice, but it faded on his features as he noticed the horror on the woman's before him. "What's wrong? This is-"

"Something's happened. She's- She has lost her magic."

Confused, the Seeker stepped back. "That's not possible. A Confessor's magic is in her blood. There's no way to remove it."

"I know, but there is no denying what happened to her. She's lost her magic." Taking a breath, she looked over to the wizard. "Do you know how this could be possible?"

"No," he said quickly, trying to understand, "but she is still alive, meaning we have the opportunity to find out."

"If she can't confess you," Cara whispered to Richard. "Doesn't that mean you two can-"

Shaking his head, the Seeker sighed, "We should keep moving."

Lowering his sword, Richard raced for the pillars and pulled the Stone of Tears from his pocket, rushing to complete the quest. He was covered in blood and sweat, his heart racing on what is to come next. The ground began to shake beneath him and as he looked to check on the others. He had kept Dennee in his sight at all times, doing his best to keep her safe and protect her, unlike he h ad been able to do with Kahlan. The view of her always made him sad, but now that he knew the woman he loved, her sister, was alive, everything changed.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine," she replied breathlessly. "Are you-"

"We're done," he said quietly, holding her gaze. "We won."

Smiling, the brunette shook her head. "And now you can find Kahlan."

"As soon as we find Cara and Zedd."

His eyes searched the area as they entered Aydendril, hoping her face was the first he saw. The people cheered as they walked through, many stopping him to shake his hand. He was as polite as possible, smiling and nodding, accepting their thanks while his eyes continued to look past them. The sun was still high, making him sure she would be awake and he knew word had spread that they had returned. He couldn't imagine why he had yet to see her.

Pushing through the crowd, he caught glimpses of the eyes he loved so much. She was standing twenty feet from him and suddenly he came to a stop. It was one of the few times he had seen her in a different dress. She wasn't wearing the white of the Mother Confessor or the leather he had last seen her in, but a simple dress that did her no justice. There was an expression on her face that he had never seen before and it broke his heart.

To his surprise, she moved first and walked toward him, a smile coming to her lips. "Hi."

Grinning, Richard reached out and pulled her into his arms, hugging her. "Hi." Instinctively, he leaned back and brought his lips to hers.

She returned his kiss in full, bringing her arms to wrap around his neck and bring him closer. Her fingers pushed into his hair, bringing them both a familiar feeling that they had longed for. The people around watched in both confusion and surprise. Most not knowing who the woman he held was. Without the white dress, no one payed her any attention.

Breaking their kiss, Kahlan stepped back, embarrassed and looked past the man she loved. "I'm glad you've all returned safely."

Dennee rushed forward and hugged her sister, almost knocking the Seeker down. "Spirits, I thought I'd lost you." Moving away, she looked at her clothes. "What are you wearing?"

Darting her eyes to the ground, Kahlan shook her head. "Nothing of importance. The High Council will be waiting for you to-"

"We can see them now if-"

"No," she interrupted softly. "I am not to return." Her sister was about to speak again, when Kahlan changed her expression and silenced her at once. "Go. I've been just fine here."

Nodding, the Confessor gave her another hug and then, she was gone. Richard took her hand and squeezed, doing his best to make everything feel normal. From the look of the woman he loved, she hadn't been sleeping in her home. He felt the air leave his lungs as she looked up to him.

"Where to?" he found himself asking, biting the words as he spoke them.

Zedd came up behind him quickly and hugged the young brunette, whispering something in her ear before looking to the others. "The tavern always has something to welcome us with. Cara, lead the way."

The wizard followed the blonde quickly, leaving the other two behind and still standing still. There was something to discuss and it needed to be done quickly.

Touching her hair, he pulled a few small pieces of straw out and dropped them on the ground, studying her face as he moved. "What's going on?"

Letting her tears fall, she pulled on his hand and began to walk, leading him down the road. They had only walked for a few minutes when she brought him into a barn and past a few stalls. Coming to a stop, she motioned inside and watched him look inside.

"I have lived here for more than a month."

"I don't understand," he told her as he stepped inside and took in the small view. "Why?"

Swallowing her pain, she crossed her arms in the hopes that it kept it all at distance. "I am no longer a Confessor. I was asked to leave the palace. One of them men who works here, David, he has allowed me to stay unt-"

Turning around rapidly, he stepped toward her in anger. "Why would they- Kahlan that is your home!"

"This is my home. I am of no use to them Richard. I... I have to start over."

He could barely understand the last set of her words through her tears. Richard wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly, his eyes continuing to look around while she tried to calm herself.

There was a single blanket on the ground, but it was laid out neatly with three books on the top right corner. A small amount of hay was bundled together for a pillow and her pack was at its side, appearing to be empty. In the corner of the stall, he saw a lantern, he assumed to be her only source of light when night came. This was not the way she was meant to live.

Now, he understood her dress. She had not been allowed to take clothes from the Confessor's palace, probably having been told they were too much for her to wear and this was all she had been able to come by and sew herself. It was more than heartbreaking.

Pulling back, he moved to the blanket and sat down, smiling to help her feel more comfortable. "How long do you think it will take Cara to start a fight?"

Sitting down at his side, she sighed, knowing the other woman would not be able to keep herself from causing trouble. "I'm sure Zedd is holding her back as we speak."

Tears were still flowing down her cheeks, making it difficult for him to keep from holding her once again. Laying back, he motioned for her to join him, hoping it would bring her some kind of comfort. "It's softer than I imagined it would be."

She gave a soft chuckle as she settled into his arms and laid her head against his right shoulder. "I've laid on softer."

"I imagine you have. Kahlan, I'm sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry for. I am still alive, nothing else matters."

Tightening his arms around her, he closed his eyes and soaked in the feel of her against him. Wishing it to last a lifetime. He couldn't understand what had happened. Instead of taking away a Confessor's magic, the blade was always known to take their life. If she lived through the horror of the knife, why would the High Council refuse her? Was it not a sign of her strength, her power? This could be a simple way her body fought the magic, letting hers go dormant, ticking it into thinking it had won.

Her body was tense, he could feel the knots on her back as he ran his hand over her dress. Gently, he began rubbing, hoping to ease any tension within her. A soft moan escaped her lips for a moment before he felt her body relax against him. He continued his hand's movement as he felt her breathing slow. Closing his eyes, he swallowed and tried to imagine how it had all come to this moment. What had she gone through? He wanted to make the High Council pay for what they had done and he would need no plan to do it. Was her sister with them now, demanding they take let her return to her home, but from the stories Kahlan had told him, he knew it was unlikely for them to agree.

He could kill them all. No, he would keep one alive. One to tell the story for the rest of his or her life and with the fear within them, let the woman he loved return to her home. The woman in his arms, grew up in a Palace. She was looked upon with the highest of authority and feared to the most extreme. In a single moment, they had tossed her away as though she was garbage and without a second thought. She deserved better than this. Turning his head, he looked at the books beside his head, studying the spines carefully. It was clear they were read many times. The leather creased and roughed, folded on the edges and he found himself wondering why those were what she had chosen to sneak out.

They were clearly important to her and he knew that not many things were. She was asleep and breathing deeply, her body relaxed against him, but her hands clung to his shirt. He would never know or understand what she had been through, but he was certain he would never leave her alone to face anything like it again.

"Kahlan- I'm sorry," a man whispered at the stall door. He was an older man, forties, but with a light layer of gray hair and he stood still with a plate of food. "It isn't much, but I know she has been hungry. The scraps she's been finding aren't enough for an ant." Sitting the food down by the door, he looked back to the Seeker. "Make sure she eats something."

He was gone before Richard could respond and the moment they were alone again, he let himself realize how much thinner she had become. It only made his heart break more. Doing his best to distract himself, he grabbed one of her books and opened it.

It was a journal, making him question his desire to read it, but the page he opened it on had something written that he couldn't ignore. Kahlan. As he continued to scan the paper, he realized what it was and suddenly felt his heart race. This journal belonged to her mother. Closing it quickly, he laid it gently on the hay next to him and then picked up another.

Opening it to the first page, he found himself smiling at the title. The Honor in Justice. Fighting a laugh, he laid it down on top of the journal and did his best to keep from laughing. It was definitely something he would expect her to enjoy. Picking up the third and last book, he took a look inside and lost himself.

The book he held in his hands, was a story of a Confessor who had fallen in love and through every option of protecting the man she cared for, he was destroyed. As he continued reading, he found a piece of paper fighting its way out. Pulling it free, he found himself staring. It was a detailed drawing on himself, smiling with his eyes just off of whoever looked at it. She showed the small scar on his forehead and the crease above his right eye that made him look older.

He wondered when she had drawn it, but it warmed his soul to know she kept it with her. Continuing to stare at the picture, he tried to see himself the way she did. Had she been looking at him while drawing or did she recreate it from her memory? She could always remember small detail. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

He awoke cold and stiff. Opening his eyes, he looked for the woman who was no longer in his arms. Kahlan sat before the plate of food, staring down at each piece in appreciation and desire. From the way her tongue traced her lips, he knew it had been some time since she had eaten anything worthy. He continued to watch her for a moment, hoping to see her eat, but she remained still and hungry.

After a few breaths, she seemed to come to a decision and picked up a small apple, but instead of bringing it to her lips, she pushed it onto a small, torn cloth and then added the rest of the food. When the plate was empty, she bundled up the cloth to protect its contents and then buried it beneath some hay in the corner of the stall. The actions made Richard think of someone who was afraid their food would be stolen or scared that it would be the last they saw. Sitting up, he drew her attention and smiled.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Neither did I," she replied softly, moving to her feet. "We should find the others."

Knowing she wouldn't want them to know where she was living, the Seeker nodded and stood. "You're right. Cara may be in prison now."

Richard took her hand in his as they walked, needing to touch her and remind himself that she was alive and at his side. He only wished he could ask what was on her mind. It wasn't long before he began to notice the way a few people looked at her. It wasn't in fear or panic as it had been before, but that of pity and shame. They knew what had been done to her and they said nothing nor offered her aid. The thought angered him.

Zedd was standing outside the tavern with a smile and mug, his stomach pushing against his robes. He had certainly had his fill. That, again, made Richard angry. The woman he loves has been scrapping for any and every meal, desperately trying to keep something in her stomach, but everyone else ate as they pleased. Aydendril did not have many poor people, definitely not any suffering as she was and it was because she had fought for them.

"There you two are!" the wizard exclaimed, throwing out his arms. "We were going to come look-"

"That will not be necessary," Kahlan interrupted, hoping to keep the older man's mind off of finding where they had been. "Have you been enjoying yourself?"

"Indeed I have. The chicken is something I had been craving. Cara's in the back, she's found a friend."

"Another Mord'Sith?" Richard asked quickly.

Shaking his head, Zedd smiled. "I don't believe he qualifies."

"Oh," the couple said in unison.

"I'm hungry," Richard said casually, looking to the woman at his side. "Would you care to join me?"

"Richard, I- I'm fine, thank you."

He studied her face for a minute, trying to find the words to say that would make her feel at ease, but none seemed to be right. Tilting his head, he tried to hide how he felt, but knew it wasn't working.

"Go on dear one, you look like you haven't eaten in weeks. I'll get Cara and meet you two inside."

And then he was gone, leaving her with no other option than to go inside. "Richard, I am not dressed to enter-"

"You look beautiful. Come, I'll make sure I'm too close to you for anyone else's eyes to see."

Kahlan followed hesitantly, ignoring the gazes of those inside as he pulled out her chair. Instead of sitting on the opposite side of the table, he pulled his over to her, shielding her between himself and the corner. She smiled a small smile in thanks. She didn't pay attention when he ordered, her mind still on the obvious fact that she was unable to afford the meal. Her heart raced quickly beneath her chest.

Richard handed her a cup, surprising her with the contents being tea. Her favorite, jasmine. He had the same in front of him and between them both sat a long tray with two of nearly everything on the menu. She knew why he had ordered that way, making sure she would eat when he told her that one was delicious. He continued to act as though nothing had changed, telling her stories about some of the battles he fought and how he wished she had been there beside him.

He began to eat slowly, tasting everything within each bite and then, just as she suspected, he suggested she try it. "It's all right, Kahlan."

Taking sliced turkey on bread from his hand, she smiled warmly, a silent thank you. With a slow bite, she found herself doing the same as he, tasting fully. It was different for her, though. It had been weeks since she had something more than scrapped meat and soggy bread. It upset her to live that way, especially after she had done her best to make sure no one in her city would have to. Her life's work meant nothing.

"They can eat without us," Cara stated in annoyance as she and Zedd came over to their friend's table. "I'm sure Richard is already planning his speech to leave them alone."

"That's not true," the Seeker laughed, handing Kahlan another piece of bread, this time holding something she loved deeply, rabbit meat. "She hasn't seen you in weeks, the least you can do is sit here and talk to her."

Sitting down across from the brunette, the Mord'Sith sighed, "Fine. Whose life have you ruined since we left?"

"Mine," she said quickly and simply, ignoring the expression on Richard's face.

Moving to sit himself, Zedd leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "What happened dear one?"

"Maybe we shouldn't-"

"It's all right," Kahlan whispered, interrupting the man at her side. "They will hear soon." Keeping her eyes on the table, she took in a slow and deep breath, praying that it came with the courage she needed. "I no longer hold the magic of a Confessor and no longer any use to the High Council. I have- I have been sent to find a new home and..." She couldn't continue, her tears now flowing quickly, making her work to wipe them all away.

"I don't understand," Cara said softly, seeming sympathetic to the other woman. "Why would they force you to leave? Are you not their leader?"

Licking her lips, Kahlan let out a soft chuckle. "Without my magic, I am nothing. They would be fools to allow me to continue to live my life as I had." Looking up, she met her friend's eyes. "There is no need for me, they have my sister."

"She isn't you," the blonde said, surprising them all.

"Cara's right," Zedd said, bringing their attention to him. "I don't understand why the High Council decided to exclude you in whole. You may not have your magic, but you have more than anyone else to help rule this land. It is one thing to remove you from your position, but another entirely to remove you from your home. Kahlan, where have you been staying?"

Looking to the older man, she frowned. "Please do not ask me that."

"Kahlan," Richard whispered, leaning in close to keep his words between them. "You don't have to be embarrassed with us. Trust me."

"I have been living in one of the city's empty horse stalls."

The others stared in shock, making her feel uncomfortable, but before she could make her escape, Richard grabbed her hand and smiled. "It's comfortable and very warm."

"That's because you weren't there in the middle of the night."

"I'd like to be."

The couple held each other's eyes, having a silent conversation that melted the tension and pain in the moment.

"Are you two going to finish this? I'm hung-"

"Let the Confessor eat," Cara snapped, elbowing the wizard in the ribs. She immediately regretted her words as her friend met her eyes in sadness. "You're always going to be as annoying." Avoiding Richard's glare, she stood and sighed. "I'm going to find fun for tonight."


	7. Chapter 7

Richard walked with her back to her new home. He had explained many times that she didn't have to stay there any longer, but he knew she was afraid of anything else. Beside the Confessor's Palace, this was what she knew. Standing at the entrance, he watched her pull the cloth filled with food from beneath the hay and then bring it to her chest, holding it tightly.

"Come to the inn with me."

"This is my home-"

"No it's not," he interrupted softly. "Your home is with me. I'll help you carry your things, but I'm not taking no for an answer."

Shrugging her shoulders, she sighed. "All right."

"I'm going to make sure you're safe, I promise."

Turning, she met his eyes, understanding what he meant more than just his words. He knew she hadn't felt safe since she left his side and now, with her magic gone, she was almost defenseless. Sleeping in a horse stall didn't help either. She was out in the open, available to any and all. "I know," she whispered. "Thank you."

Richard folded her blanket as she packed her books in her pack. She moved carefully, reminding him that he thought them to be important.

"Why those books?"

Continuing to work, she found herself smiling at the question. "I've had them for as long as I can remember. I couldn't imagine going on without the comfort they've provided and I wasn't going to let the High Council read through my mother's journal."

"She didn't have nice things to say?"

"Not on how they operate, but that is only a portion of what she wrote about. I always found it fascinating and it helped me feel close to her." Looking up, she grinned. "She had a pet duck before I was born. She named him Julian."

"Julian?" Richard asked through a laugh.

Nodding, Kahlan tightened her fingers around the book's spine, breathing deeply. "Yes. I think the duck was more of a comfort to her than she wanted anyone to know." Releasing the book and a sigh, she slouched her shoulders. "An animal doesn't fear us or our magic. Their magic," she corrected herself sadly.

"That's because animals aren't taught to fear. People are. Kahlan, I promise I will find out what happened to your magic."

"I'm not sure I want you to," she whispered almost shamefully.

Confused, he tilted his head in thought. "Why?"

"I don't know," she told him honestly. "I've thought about it, a lot, and I cannot think of a reason that makes sense." Moving to her feet, she put on her pack and waited for him to stand as well. "Would it be all right if I thanked David for allowing me to stay here before we leave?"

"Of course."

"There's warm water in the bath if you're interested."

Richard stood before her as she sat in a wooden chair before the fire. She seemed lost in thought and he knew she would be. After weeks of eating garbage and sleeping in a stall, this was a welcome and difficult change. Looking up, she met his eyes hazily and nodded. Finding a smile, she stood and followed him to the bath tub. Turning to face him, she fought the urge to do what had been on her mind since she awoke without her magic.

"Join me?"

He didn't answer immediately, but there was no hesitation in his eyes. "Of course."

Richard helped her to remove her dress, moving slowly to give her the time she needed to change her mind. When she stood before him naked, he lowered his arms and before he could form a thought, she pushed his vest from his chest and over his shoulders. Moving to his shirt, she untucked it quickly and pulled it over his head just as fast. Removing his belt, he let her fingers trace over his skin just above his pants. He fought to keep his eyes open and not loose himself in her touch.

His pants were at his ankles before he knew what happened and to keep the moment going, he moved forward and stepped into the warm water. With her stepping in, he sat down and leaned against the back of the bathtub with his arms opened for her. With her back against his chest, he wrapped his arms around and held her close. She leaned into him, allowing his embrace.

"What are you thinking about?"

"The morning I woke up without my magic." Turning her head, she lowered her voice, keeping it within the small area around them. "I spent hours in my room, wondering what had happened, if I was wrong or- I debated telling the High Council, but I couldn't keep it a secret if I wanted answers."

"Did you get any?"

"No. I had an escort and was quickly asked to leave. I took what I could and left."

"I'm sorry," he whispered in response. He could feel the sadness in her voice and it filled the air around them. "Kahlan, I promise I-"

"I know," she replied just as quietly as he spoke. "I don't believe it is worth it. That is not my home any longer. I must find a new one."

Tightening his arms around her, he rested his chin against her left shoulder. "I will always be your home, Kahlan."

Closing her eyes she gathered the strength within her to say the one thing on her mind. "I am afraid I am no longer of any use to the Seeker."

"I am not the Seeker, alone, and you were never just a Confessor. I know that you feel you've lost something and you have, but it was not everything you are. I promise that I will find out what happened to your magic and if you wish to, I would like you to stay with me. It may be different from what you've always wanted, I may not be the man you want to spend your life with, but-"

Moving slowly, she turned around in his arms and settled on his lap. "It's not your responsibility to find what happened. I would not ask such a thing of you." Bringing her hands to his face, she gently rubbed her thumb across the heavy stubble of his beard, wondering how it would feel against her skin. "I am no longer that woman, Richard. You may no longer care for me."

"I will always care for you. My love isn't something that can vanish. I know you can't understand, but I still love you."

Fighting the pounding of her heart, she inched forward and grazed her lips against his. To her surprise, he kissed her just as he had done before, when she had her magic. His embrace was just as warm and he held her tightly to him. She felt safe, a welcome feeling in comparison to the fear and pain she had felt until this moment. Circling her arms around his neck, she pushed into him, needing to know how it felt once more.

His body responded to hers and quickly. He could feel it against her and it thrilled her to no end.

Richard couldn't recall the moment he lifted her out of the bathtub and carried her over to the bed. She laid naked and soaking wet, awaiting the return of his lips against hers. Holding himself above her, he traced his fingers down her chest and over her stomach. Her eyes drifted closed to the alien, yet familiar feeling. She welcomed it, at last able to experience it without fear of destroying the man she loved. A soft moan escaped her lips as his came to her stomach.

He moved slowly, taking his time, not only to feel her skin on his lips and tongue, but for her to experience it with every inch of her body. Snaking his hands over her, he gently squeezed her breasts, soaking in the sound of pleasure that left her lips as her back arched. To his surprise, she grabbed his hands and held them to her, making his grip tighten. She was panting as his mouth moved lower, tasting the skin he admired so much. He survived off of her breaths and moans. They fueled him and set his body and blood on fire. This was a high he could never find with anyone else.

With a whisper of his name on her lips, she brought his eyes to hers and with a single breath, he moved back up her body. Reconnecting their lips, he let her tongue push into his mouth and dance with his own. He could barely focus on the action, his body screaming for hers in a desperate need of release. Fighting his urges, he pushed down against her, hoping that it would, not only give him some relief, but give her the pressure she needed as well. Raking her nails down his shoulders, she lifted herself against him until he could take no more and broke their kiss. Dropping his head to the crook of her neck, he gasped in his next few breaths, finding it impossible to stop moving against her.

He wanted to take her, but held back, knowing she had never been with a man before. He would not act until she made it clear it was what she wanted and then, he would make sure. He would not hurt her for his own pleasure. As though she could read his thoughts, she reached between them and took him in her hand. Releasing a low growl, he pushed into her hand and focused on the feel of her fingers around him. He had felt pleasure before, some from other women and from himself, but this was unlike anything else. Kahlan shifted beneath him, moving to silently tell him what she wanted and just before he gave in, he met her eyes.

"Are you sure?" The words came out in a jumbled, heated breath as he tried to keep their eyes connected.

"I've never been more sure of anything," she replied just as heavy.

Lifting himself from her slight, he reached down and pulled her hand gently from his manhood. "This may hurt," he told her quietly, "You can stop me."

Richard moved slowly, pushing against her as he shifted her legs, doing his best to keep her from feeling a piece of pain. He fought for each breath, his body on a fire that could not be controlled and the view beneath his was more than he could take. Her body accepted him inch by inch, taking him in with a warm squeeze that almost ended him. The feeling was indescribable, unlike any before and he never wanted to leave her warmth. Leaning forward, he held himself up by his forearms keeping most of his weight from crashing down upon her. Touching his lips to hers, he tested the action, making sure she was all right.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him closer, removing the space he had left between them and lifted her hips. He swallowed a cry of pleasure, her body now holding every inch of him within her. She moaned loudly, vibrating their lips as her nails pushed into his skin in bliss. Continuing to kiss her, he snaked his right arm beneath her in the hopes that it brought them more connection. With a smoothness, they moved quicker, each finding it to take them higher.

She had never felt anything more intimate, but not because he was the first man she had made love to. The way he held and kissed her was unmatchable and there was a heat between them that could only exist in a love this strong. Threading her fingers into his hair, she pulled herself closer as she found herself coming undone. She began to quake above him, her body tensing around his and with a bite of his bottom lip, she was gone.

The feel of her around him set him off, making it impossible to hold on any longer. Pushing his hands into her skin, he emptied himself within her with a low growl. He remained in place, panting in rhythm with her and both clinging to the other so tightly, they were almost sharing the same skin.

Kahlan clung to him as her heart raced in her chest. The moment she had long feared had come and he was still there. He was still Richard. His warm breath hugged her neck, sending chills down her spine as she fought her body's continuous need for more of him. He remained within her, though not as deep as he regained his own breath.

He began to move, but was stopped quickly. "No," she whispered, grabbing his shoulders and holding him still.

"I don't want to crush you," he whispered, lifting his head to meet her eyes, though hers were closed. "Are you all right?"

She nodded slowly, taking the extra time to soak in the feeling around her. Her body still ached for his, though from the stories she had heard, she knew he would need time. Bringing her gaze to his, she found a smile coming to her lips as her right hand came to his cheek. "I love you."

Richard kissed her quickly, making sure to leave no doubt that he felt the same while he knew her mind would think it. "And, I love you." Holding his forehead to hers, he shared her breath and found himself thrilled by the feel of her fingertips tracing over his shoulder and down his back and sides. He felt her body hug him, squeezing in a way he had never known a woman to do and though he was exhausted, he felt his need rising.

Grazing her lips against his, she shifted her hips, allowing him to slip from her warmth as a long moan left her. To her surprise, he didn't roll from her warmth. Instead, he pushed forward, his hunger proven in his kiss. After several minutes, he was ready for her once again, but he didn't rush. Snaking his hands down her body, he let one re-explore her side and thigh, while the other returned to her breast. He had never felt a woman fit in his hand so perfectly and it only reminded him that she was more than all others.

Not only was she a perfect fit to his hand, but his body as well. She held him as though she was the second part of his original mold and if that were not enough, she accepted every inch of him. Her hips bucked against his, flourishing off of the sensations and driving him wild with a single set of motions. Moving quickly, he rolled them over, bringing her to lie above him and to his delight, she sat up. Her body rubbed against him as she rocked, her hands sliding over his chest as his did the same to hers.

She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her hair fell over her shoulders as she moved, hiding herself briefly from his eyes. Her hand came to her head, pushing her fingers back through her hair and removing it from her face, out of his view. The moment they were visible again, he reached out to touch her breasts, squeezing them as her body had done him. Her head fell back to the action, making his heart pound against his chest and his need rise higher.

Her need was as strong as his, he could hear it in the soft sounds escaping her lips. As though reading his thoughts, she shifted and took him in her hand, but only long enough to bring him to her entrance. The angle brought a loud moan from within them as she lowered herself onto him slowly. Grabbing her hips, he helped stabilize her as she moved, though her instincts made her actions appear experienced. Richard swallowed the view of her as he fought his release, unable to have it end so quickly and stop the bliss she felt.

Tightening his hold on her hips, he used it to focus on before his mind came upon an idea. Sliding his right hand between them, he pressed his thumb against her. Her nails suddenly dug into his chest, her body quaking in a pleasure unknown to exist. She was gone in breaths. He watched her body tense, fighting between rising from him and slamming down. His thumb continued to move as her hips rolled roughly against him, the sight making it impossible to feel the blood on his chest. She squeezed him tightly, her body on a continuous release and then, he was gone.

His loud growl was met with his name leaving her lips, his hand coming back to her waist to hold her against him to keep himself buried fully within her. He held her still, unable to take a single movement while he was so sensitive. Kahlan continued to shake above him, her eyes barely able to remain open as his fingers held her tightly. She found herself growing weak and only able to stay up with his aid. Sucking in a breath, he lifted her from his manhood and brought her to lay against his side. She was breathing so heavily, he couldn't take his eyes off of her for fear she would not take another.

Rolling onto his side, he pulled her against him, holding her face in his hands. "Are you all right?"

Grinning, Kahlan nodded, finding the energy to move. "I believe words would fall short." Kissing him briefly, she released a deep breath. "I never knew such bliss could exist."

"Outside our bed, I do not believe they do." Tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear, he beamed. "We alone share such joy." She kissed him once more, her right hand sliding into his hair as she imagined him within her once more. A low groan left him as he pulled back, unable to yet give her what she needed. "If you keep kissing me like that, I will not survive to take you again."

"I will suffer through the wait," she whispered with a smile, knowing the way her fingers moved over his side would give away her meaning.

Richard woke with her still in his arms, but he knew she was awake from the small circles she drew on his chest with her finger. It was comforting and a welcome way to wake. Moving his hand to rest on hers, he turned his head with a smile. "Good morning."

"I didn't mean to wake you."

Shaking his head, he grinned, "You didn't. My dream of us did." Motioning downward, he let her see his arousal through the thin blanket to let her understand his words.

The sight surprised her, unknowing such a thing could come over a man, but it thrilled her. Acting without thought, she reached down and touched the blanket with her fingers, her eyes coming to his as they closed. His lips parted for breath, as her touch grew with more pressure. Before he noticed that she had moved, her lips were surrounding him and stealing the breath from his lungs. He brought his eyes to her actions, finding it impossible to look away as she thought only of pleasing him.

His heart raced with his mind as he imagined what he would do to give her the same joy and then, he responded. Pulling her shoulders gently, he brought her lips to his, but only for a single kiss. Rolling her off of him he held her stomach to the bed and positioned himself between her legs. She moved in trust, allowing him to do as he wished, though she was filled with confusion. Sliding his fingers over her, he let out a loud moan at her readiness, but continued to draw out the moment. He tested her with one, then two fingers, letting her grow accustomed to the feeling and angle. After a gasp, she lifted herself onto her forearms and widened her legs, giving him more access.

Sliding his left hand over her back, he focused on the bumps of her spine, watching as the muscles flexed around his touch. Pulling back his fingers, he moaned at the groan of discontent on her lips at the loss of him. Pressing himself against her, he gave her a moment to prepare for what he had in mind and at her excitement, he pushed forward. Richard grabbed her hips at once, partly surprised by the way she pushed back and gave him full entry. There was no hesitation on her part as she leaned forward and brought her forehead to the bed. The position helped stabilize her as he thrust harder and harder.

It was strange to lay with a man this way, such as a dog would mate, but it thrilled her to think of their love as savage. As the thought rolled in her mind, he seemed to hear and suddenly she was pulled back until she was against his chest. Richard wrapped his arms around her, cupping her breasts in both hands as he continued moving within her. His lips covered her neck and shoulders, giving her every ounce of passion possible. Her arms came over her head, reaching for his as she turned to connect their lips. He stilled for a moment, making it easier to hold their kiss.

Unable to hold back any longer, he broke their kiss and turned her, lifting her into his arms while she guided herself down upon him. Her head fell back and his lips covered her chest, his tongue tasting the skin he knew so well. She rolled against him, taking in the extended length of him until neither could hold back any longer. Her release came as he emptied himself within her.

"I'm sorry," he panted, stroking his thumbs on her back. "I did not mean to scare you before."

Fighting a grin, she shook her head. "There was no fear, only confusion," she admitted softly. "But it quickly faded."

"I do not wish to have our love move to pleasure alone."

Bringing her hands to his cheeks, she smiled. "I feel your love in every touch. That, is what brings pleasure, not only the act of you within me."

"As I am now," he said with a grin. "I do love you, Kahlan. More than I can speak and far more than I have been able to show you."

"And I, you."

Nudging his nose against hers, he hugged her tightly, using the moment to share something more than their bodies. He groaned as he slipped from her warmth, though pleased to have her remain close.

"Richard, Dennee is-" Zedd froze at the sight before him, stopping mid-step in embarrassment. The couple sat naked before him in the center of their bed and only Richard moved to shield her.

Pulling the blanket over them, Richard shot his grandfather a glare. "A locked door usually keeps others out."

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to interrupt, but Dennee is determined to see you."

"Why?"

With a frown, the wizard took a step back and darted his eyes to the floor. "The two of you should dress, she will arrive in minutes." He left them alone, closing the door behind him while they moved from the bed.

"I don't understand," Kahlan said softly. "I thought they- The war is over, the High Council should not send her to you."

Freezing his movements, he turned to face her just as she pulled her dress over her head. "I will do nothing for those people."

"The choice is not one you can make."

"I will not do anything they ask. I am not for them to command."

Coming to his side, she frowned. "It is not as simple. Please, dress. We do not have much time."

Pulling her to him, he hugged her tightly. "It is simple. For everything they have done to you, against you... I will not do their bidding."

She turned at the knock on the door, pulling from his embrace while he quickly pulled on his clothes. He was shirtless when the Mother Confessor entered his bedroom and he made no move to put it on. Dennee stood before the door as her sister pushed it closed, keeping their conversation between them.

"Pardon my intrusion, but time is not something I can waste. The High Council holds a celebration in your honor this evening and you are to attend." Looking to Kahlan, she frowned. "You are-"

"Unwelcome, I know," she whispered in reply.

Shaking his head, Richard walked toward the women. "I will not go without Kahlan. The condition is without negotiation. If I am to step foot into that palace, I will have her at my side."

"It's all right, Richard. I understand why they do not wish to have me there."

"No, it is not. Nothing about this is all right. Those people tear you from your home with no clothes, forced you to live on the streets and eat from their garbage. They have done nothing but wrong you at every turn and you believe it to be just? I will not enter their party and indulge their cruelty. It is not all right."

Confused, Dennee looked to her sister and took her hands in hers. "What? Kahlan, I was told you asked to leave."

Lowering her eyes, the brunette fought her tears. "I do not believe they would find the truth welcome to you. Pay them no mind, I am free now."

"Why did you keep quiet when we met in town? If you needed help... Kahlan, you saved me more times than I can repay, but I would help you."

"I found room in David's stables. He made sure I had shelter."

"Spirits, Kahlan-"

Meeting her sister's eyes, she shook her head. "It was not as bad as you believe. We have slept in worse places, Dennee."

"I'm sorry. I did not know."

"I do not blame you for what has happened. It is your chance to make a difference in our people's lives."

Nodding, she sighed. "I will start with you." Looking to Richard, she smiled. "I will see to it she is welcomed. Will you be staying here today?"

"Yes."

"I will send you both something suitable to wear tonight."

"Thank you."

With a hug to her sister, the Mother Confessor left the room, knowing they wished to be alone.


	8. Chapter 8

"Stop that," Richard said softly, leaning over to her as he stopped her hands from rubbing against her new dress. "You look beautiful."

She wore a light purple dress that hugged her chest and waist, but then flowed out to leave the rest of her to the imagination. There were no sleeves, only straps that ended just over her shoulder. The fabric was something closer to her worth than what she had worn before, a silk and velvet mixed to flatter and seduce.

"I do not belong here."

Taking her hand, he squeezed gently. "You belong with me. Here, let's get something to eat. We won't be here long."

She was surprised he was so comfortable, considering he wore the robes of his father and brother. They didn't seem to bother him, though she knew it wasn't who he wanted to be. He looked handsome, she could not deny it and the sight aroused her to no end. If he hadn't been holding her hand, she couldn't be sure what she would do with it. Whatever it was, it was not something to do in public.

Her cheeks flushed at the thought, making her lower her head to hide it. "I'm not hungry."

"You barely fill your dress, Kahlan. Eat, please." Nodding, she walked with him through the crowd, ignoring the way the people looked at her. "If you'd like, after this party, we can go to the garden you spoke about."

"I'm not sure that is a good idea, but I agree to discuss it after your meeting with the High Council."

"All right." Spooning some mash potatoes on a plate, he watched her face, noticing how she stared at the food. She had gone so long without, seeing it plentiful was almost too much for her. Laying three sausages on the plate, he moved over to the bigger meats and decided quickly on the rabbit for her. He made sure to pick a smaller piece, knowing that she would not eat much to prove she hadn't been starving. "Is this alright for you?"

"Yes, thank you." she whispered, taking the plate from his hands. Pointing to a soup, she smiled, "Do you know what that is?" He shook his head, making her laugh, music to his ears. "Try it. I think you will like it."

He didn't hesitate to gab and fill a bowl, trusting her completely. When he finished, he moved his arm for her to take and then lead her to a table in the corner of the room. They sat before the wall, keeping the rest of the circled table open for them to look out at the other guests who seemed to bustle about. They gave them glances as they passed, smiling at him and frowning in pity at her, but no one said anything. He was sure they didn't dare.

"You were right," he stated factually as he swallowed one spoonful after another of his soup. "This is delicious. What is it?"

"Leek, split pea and ham."

"It's wonderful."

"I thought you may like it. I've watched you devour an entire ham by yourself."

Grinning, he lifted his spoon toward her. "Care for a bite?"

To his surprise, she brought her lips to the spoon and swallowed its contents. He had rarely found anything so attractive. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

A shadow appeared on the table, bringing their eyes to leave each other's and come to the person before them. Kahlan knew the woman well.

"We would like to have a word with you Lord Rahl."

"When I am finished with my meal," he replied sternly, motioning to his half empty bowl.

The blonde nodded, shifting her eyes to the woman at his side. "It would be wise to encourage him to hurry."

"He is not at my command," Kahlan said quickly, holding her eyes.

"You are to leave when this is over."

"I am well aware of what is expected."

Straightening her shoulders, she swallowed. "Take care how you speak to me. You are no longer of any worth; we will not hesitate to remove your life."

Standing, Richard scowled at the woman before him. "It would be wise to watch your words. I do not live by your laws and I will not hesitate to remove your head from your shoulders."

"Finish your meal. I will have a servant see you to our meeting hall."

Sitting down, he fought a growl of anger, knowing how it made Kahlan feel. She would never say anything, but with him, she didn't have to. "I'm sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry for. I expected nothing less from a member of the council."

He found himself smiling at her words. Hearing her leave out High in Council made him feel as though she now matched his distaste for the whole. "I'll make sure we are quick."

"We thank you for what you have done for our land. Protecting us from Darken Rahl and the Keeper, we cannot imagine how difficult it was for you."

Richard stood before a long table, filled with twelve people. They stared down at him in expectation, it bled from each of them. The room was large, cold and uninviting, but he was sure that was its intent to make whoever stood in his place feel obligated to do as they please.

"I did not do it alone."

"Of course, your wizard and Mord'Sith-"

"Kahlan as well." The group before him frowned at his words. "She is the reason we all are here today."

"We are not here to talk about her. We have an important matter to discuss."

"Then speak it," he snapped.

"We want you to mate with the Mother Confessor." Richard stared in disbelief, but before he could say anything the man continued. "The child the two of you will conceive will be strong. That is what we need to keep their line alive. You will allow her to take you-"

"No."

"No?"

"I will not lay with a woman I do not love, nor will I betray Kahlan. You have no right to ask such a thing and you should be ashamed of what you have done to her." He did his best to remain calm, though anger burned within.

"She has no magic. This is a home for Confessor's, not a disgrace. To think she is worthy of anything else, you must be a fool. You will take Dennee to bed and give her as many children possible. The request in not up for debate."

"Have you gone mad?!" he shouted, stepping forward. "I am not one of your slaves! I will not bed another woman!"

"You will and you will unite the lands."

Shaking his head, he walked to the table and met the man's eyes. "If things were different and you asked me to let Kahlan take me as her mate, my mind wouldn't hesitate, but my heart would know what it would do to her. It's Kahlan I want to spend the rest of my life with and you will have no say in the matter. Come to me on the subject again and I will-"

"Your threats will not be tolerated. After giving the Mother Confessor a child, she may release you to your simple woman."

"It is not the same when your heart is stolen to another woman. How dare you-"

"We require your seed. That is all."

Turning, he began walking away, ignoring their protests. "Ask again and I will not be so friendly."

Leaving the meeting hall, his eyes spotted the new Mother Confessor and instantly he grabbed her arms and shook. "If I find out you knew something about this, I will come back for you." Releasing her, he hurried away, hoping to get to the woman he loved before someone's loose lips found her first.

She wasn't where he last saw her, but he knew she wouldn't be. This was the first time she had been allowed in the Confessor's Palace and there was one place she would go. Moving through the halls, he found his way to the garden and within a moment, he saw her. Kahlan was kneeling on the ground, her head bowed in prayer before a large statue that looked like her. He knew the woman to be her mother and he knew what was in the mind of the woman he loved. Standing still, he looked at the other statues, being sure to give the privacy she needed.

"It didn't go well, did it?" she whispered, turning her head to look at him.

Shaking his head slowly, he took in a deep breath and walked toward her. Sitting down, he laid his hand on her knee and looked up at the white stone. "She was beautiful."

"She was. I always hoped I would grow to look like her."

"You do. A beauty as such is unmatched."

With a smile, Kahlan shifted beside him to sit more comfortably. "You're bias, but I accept the compliment. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"You're not going to tell me what they wanted, are you?"

"Not here. They had someone follow me. She's standing behind the large tree at the entrance. No, don't look," he chuckled, squeezing her thigh to stop her from turning her head. "She has loud feet, you'll hear when we leave. For now... Tell me more about your mother."

"I don't know where to begin. She was a kind woman. She was everything I wanted to be. Now, I..."

"Now you're on a different path." As she nodded, he leaned toward her, letting his shoulder touch hers. "I know it's hard and it makes no sense, but it doesn't change who you are. You do not need your magic to be the kind of woman your mother was. A part of her lives within you. I know who you are and I have no doubt that your mother would be proud of you. How old was your mother when she became Mother Confessor?"

"Twenty two. She was Mother Confessor for seven years before she died." With a small smile, she leaned against him and sighed. "She would have liked you. She wouldn't have approved, but she would have liked you."

"Approved of our love?"

"I don't think that is what she would call it, but yes."

Confused, he met her eyes. "What would she call it?"

"A mistake, confusion, weakness..."

Richard was quiet for a moment, thinking about her words. He wondered if her mother loved someone once and if that man was Kahlan's father. "I would have liked to discuss that with her."

"I don't think you could have changed her mind."

"Perhaps not, but I would convince her ours is different." Grinning, he took her hand and pulled gently. "Let's go back to the Inn. We should get some sleep."

"Sleep is the farthest thing from my mind when we are in that room," she admitted softly.

"Mine too."

She pushed against him and connected their lips, desperate for what he alone could give her. Returning her kiss, he lifted her from the floor and pushed her against the closed door. It felt to be months between their last moment like this and his body craved hers. Suddenly, she was lowered and he turned around, leaving her confused and breathless.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," he whispered just as out of breath. "I- I need to tell you what the council wanted and I cannot make love to you until you know."

Panic filled her at his words, but she shoved it down as she walked over to the bed and sat down. Keeping her eyes on the floor, she listened to him change, hoping that what was said next wasn't what she feared it to be. He dropped his robes to the floor, dismissing them as though they were nothing and she knew them to be as such. He did not care about the title that was now his, he only cared about one thing. Her.

He spoke slowly, recalling nearly every word to be sure she not only understood, but knew without a doubt what was asked. She didn't look up as he continued, even as he sat on the bed. He didn't sit at her side, thinking she needed the extra space to soak in his words. He told her how they had been adamant in their request, not favoring his response nor his strength on the matter. When he informed her of their final words, he paused, hoping for her to turn around, but she didn't.

"I would never do as they request, Kahlan. I need you to know that. I wouldn't betray you or-"

"They're right," she interrupted through a whisper. "There is no one who could father a stronger child to a Confessor. Her strength would be unmatched and she would surely win every fight."

Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine what she was thinking. "I don't understand. You know I could never-"

"If I was the Mother Confessor and made the request of you, would you agree?"

"You already know the answer to that. Kahlan, it is not the request of my seed I turn down, but the woman they wish me to give it to. It is not your sister I love and if I am to have a family, I want it to be with you. Come here," he added, reaching out for her. When she turned, he grabbed her hands, pulling until she was sitting on his lap. "I know you feel that I love you more now, without your magic, but it isn't true. I never meant to make you question my feelings and maybe I should have stopped; shouldn't have made love to you knowing how it would make you feel, but... I'm sorry."

"The thought has not crossed my mind as often as I imagined it would. I know that the loss of my magic has not changed the way you feel about me, though I don't understand why. There is no difference in the way you kiss or touch me, only now, it doesn't end the moment I fear I will lose you." Slouching forward, she let out a soft sigh. "I used to think about what our child could be. I thought of her power, strength and her heart... If she was a small portion of you, there would never be cause to worry. That has been in my mind as we spoke of what is asked of you and Dennee."

Bringing his hands to her shoulders, he squeezed gently before letting his fingers slip beneath the fabric. "There will never be cause to worry for our children. Except for our third one," he added as he met her confused gaze. "She's going to have to fight her older siblings for food. I'm not sure it will be enough."

Playing along, she smiled and tilted her head. "Why not?"

Shifting his jaw, he made a face. "She has Zedd's appetite."

"Spirits, there will never be enough food for the both of them."

Sliding the dress strap on her left side over her shoulder, he traced his fingers over the skin. "Not if we wish to live as well. And our poor fifth child... The appetite only grows."

Darting her eyes to his bare chest, she tried to focus on her thoughts, instead of his touch. "It's dangerous to talk about such things."

"I know. Who would believe that many children could eat so much?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know, but I like this conversation."

Meeting his eyes once more, she took in a quick breath at the sincerity in his voice. "Why?"

Pushing the other strap off of her shoulder, he let his eyes move to the top of her breasts before meeting hers again. "I want a family with you." Taking a breath, he fought the words he had wished he spoke months before, but even now, he feared the result. "I love you."

"Prove it," she whispered as she dropped her hands to the strings of his sleeping pants.

"Marry me," he said quickly, bringing her hands to a stop.

Confused, she parted her lips for breath, "What?"

"Marry me. Kahlan, I- Will you allow me to be your husband?"

"You don't want-"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't," he told her, knowing what she was going to say. "We could have a life together, happy and full of nights spent in each other's arms..." Pulling her into his arms, he hugged her against him. "Marry me and I will spend my life making sure you know how much I love you."

Returning his hug, she breathed in his scent, hoping the action would calm her racing heart. Moving her fingers through his hair, she pulled back enough to meet his eyes. "Why would you- You gain nothing by marrying me."

"I gain the world with you as my wife." Pushing her hair back, he nudged his nose against hers. "I can't imagine my life without you."

"Nor mine, you, but I am afraid you would be bored with me at your side."

Letting out a light chuckle, he shook his head. "I've never been bored with you."

"Is that what marriage is? Two people who aren't bored with each other?"

Bringing his hands to her hips, he sighed. She knew nothing about the concept and for a moment, it pained him to think about it. "No, it's far more than that. Kahlan, marrying someone is how you show someone how much you love them."

She found a smile forming on her lips as she nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "I will marry you."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

Connecting their lips, he pushed forward, bringing her back to the bed. He continued to kiss her as he pulled at her dress. The sound of the fabric ripping was lost between their shared moans. Richard pulled her dress from her body and threw it aside, ignoring where it landed as she reached into his pants. He was ready for her, but he waited, making sure she was. He covered her neck and chest with his lips, making his way down her body until she was unable to hold him in her hand. His head disappeared between her legs, making her throw her head back in pleasure.

Kahlan held him to her for a few moments, soaking in the feeling of his tongue against her. She felt herself coming loose and he gave no sign of stopping. Sliding his thumb across her, he pulled back his lips and watched her back arch in bliss as she came undone. He continued moving his hand against her as he kissed his way back to her lips. He was pressed against her as their kiss heated and she pushed against him.

Sliding into her, Richard let out a long growl as his head fell to the crook of her neck. She raked her nails down his back, matching the scratches on his chest. His hands moved over her, gently caressing every piece of skin he could while moving slowly to keep her pleasure going. Gliding his right hand down her side, her stopped on her thigh and gently lifted to change the angle between them. He moved slower, easing her into the change with as little pain as possible.

Connecting their lips once more, she lifted her hips to meet each thrust, making it fuller with each move. He held her as best as possible, but found her to continue to be farther away than he'd like. The feel of her around him stole the breath from his lungs, it set him on fire and pushed him on. He began to imagine their wedding night and how it would be. How he would have the woman he loved at his side for the rest of his life and he would make sure she knew how he felt about her at every moment. The ceremony would be on her mind, questioning why he would want to be with her and he would do his best to make her understand.

Sliding his hands over her, he lifted, moving to bring them to a familiar position that seemed to be favorable to the woman in his arms. He nearly had them sitting with their chests pressed together, the door burst open and a group of soldiers rushed in. Richard shielded her body with his as he reached for a blanket. Before he could make a complete move, she was pulled from his embrace and forced to stand naked before him. She didn't fight the men or attempt to cover herself, seeming to know better though Richard rushed to protect her.

"Get your hands off of her!" he shouted, charging toward the two men who held her in place. "Release her!"

"Stay back! We have orders to hurt her if we must. You deny the orders of the High Council and they will not be forgiving."

"I will not mate with the Mother Confessor! Get out!"

"We have our orders."

Standing within a breath of one of the men holding Kahlan, he growled. "And what are your orders?"

Grinning, the soldier tightened his hold on her arm until she let out a soft groan. "She is to come with us. She will be imprisoned until you have emptied your seed within the Mother Confessor and given her a child."

The Seeker had no time to grab his weapon, though he made a fast run for it. He was attacked by five of the other men, who moved quickly to block him from reaching the others as they pulled Kahlan out of the room. He could hear her screaming for him, telling him that it was all right and to do what they asked. The last words he heard from her were that she would be fine.


	9. Chapter 9

"She was walked through the city naked!" Richard shouted at his grandfather, who sat and stared in disbelief. "They tore her from our room, our bed- my arms! They have no right to ask such a thing of me or anyone! We cannot allow them to-"

"There is nothing we can do, Richard. This is their land; their laws."

"How can you say that?! How can you sit there with no thought to Kahlan?! You know how I feel about her and I know you care-"

Standing, the older man stepped closer. "Of course I care! I said nothing on having no thought of her, I do. I am not saying this is fair, but we do need to think about this. We cannot storm the palace dungeon and free her because you feel like it. You must think, plan and move carefully. If you run in there, you may force their hand and lose her. Kahlan is strong, Richard, she will be all right while you plan."

Shaking his head, Richard sat down and rubbed his hands against his face. "We were going to get married and they stole her away."

"What?"

"I asked her to marry me. I- I was going to make sure she never spent another moment in pain and just as soon as I began to show my love for her, they came in and took her from my arms. I could hear her screaming for me to do what they wanted, but I can't. Zedd, I cannot lie with another woman."

"I will speak to the High Council. If I convince them to allow you to see her, there may be something we can do."

Nodding, the Seeker took in a deep breath, fighting his tears. "Thank you."

"Find Cara. She's on a warpath herself. Calm each other. I will return tonight and find you here."

Kahlan sat against the wall across from the bars that held her. With her shoulder against the cold stone, she had her knees bent and pressed to her chest to keep her, still naked, body partly hidden. The prison cell was cold, very different without the warmth of her Confessor's dress. It made her miss the comfort the white dress provided, for a moment, forgetting that she would never wear it again. With a soft sigh, she closed her eyes, hoping to be able to imagine his arms around her. She was surrounded by stone, a single long window giving just enough light to show the light layer of dirt on the floor.

She sat on the ground, avoiding the single chair in the cell, hoping that it kept her more hidden from anyone who came down. Doing her best to keep from breathing through her nose, she avoided the smell of blood and urine, finding it to be a harsh reminder of where she was. The bucket in the corner of the cell made her sick, a single object being the most degrading. The feel of the dirt covering her was a more welcoming than the thoughts of losing another piece of herself inside this prison cell.

"Spirits, Kahlan!" Richard's voice echoed through the other empty cells as he hurried toward her. She moved without thought or hesitation, hurrying to the bars to meet him. "Are you all right?"

Nodding, she allowed him to pull her close and hug her, ignoring the contact with the cold medal. "I'm fine."

"You're freezing. Have they not-"

"No," she interrupted softly. "I believe their intent is to make me uncomfortable. It's nothing I can't withstand." Grabbing the bars, she kept her face close. "How did you convince them to allow you down here?"

"I didn't. Zedd didn't think it would be wise to put me in the same room with them again."

Grinning, she nodded. "He's not wrong. I can imagine you would tear their heads from their shoulders." A light laugh flowed from her lips and echoed around them. "I don't think they'd want you a hundred paces from them, especially now."

"You shouldn't be here. I- I promise I will get you freed."

"There is only one way they will allow me to walk out of this cell. You know their demand."

"I will not-"

"Please," she whispered, touching his hand through the thick bars. "Don't dismiss the idea. Have you spoke to Dennee?"

"She won't see me. I think- She knows I am not wanting to talk to her. Kahlan, she knows how I feel about you and she has done nothing to stop this from happening. She has not come to offer you aid, not now or before. I cannot count her on our side."

"She is my sister, Richard. She may yet plan something."

Bringing his right hand to her cheek, he frowned at the sight of her pain. "I know, but at this moment, I do not trust her."

"I would request a visit, but I do not believe it will be allowed." Lowering her eyes, she blinked out a set of tears. "I wish I still had my magic."

"Kahlan-"

"If I was still a Confessor, the need to continue the line would be less urgent."

Taking a step back, he waited for her to meet his eyes. "But you never would have agreed to marry me. Kahlan, if the roles were reversed, I would give my soul to father your children. I would give my life to be at your side, in any way. I will find a way to make it all possible, I give you my word."

"You must come with us, Seeker!" A voice shouted from a short distance.

Pulling her to him, he kissed her as best he could through the bars. "I love you and I will make this all right."

"What do you mean? Dennee you cannot do this! No!"

"This is not a matter for you, Kahlan. This is what the High Council wants and it is a good plan. Richard will give me a child, he will unite our lands and-"

"Have you lost your mind?!" Kahlan shouted. She was standing in her cell, a foot from her sister and filled with an anger and pain she had never felt before. "You cannot take Richard as your mate. He is- He is more than that. You can't force him to father your children! I will not allow you to treat him as some man you fancy on the road! Why is it so different now? Why did you not take another mate when you first arrived? You have had a mate before, you know what it means. How can you ask that of Richard?"

"Imagine what future we can create with a daughter of a Rahl. People will fear and respect her."

"And when you die, Richard will give her the life we didn't have. I understand, but you cannot do this. You can't take Richard."

"There is no reason you can give to change-"

"He asked me to be his wife."

Surprised, her sister took a step back. "What?"

"Before your guards pulled me from his arms, I had agreed to marry him. You are not only destroying a man, but you are taking the man I love." Swallowing her fear, she closed the distance between them. "If you do not change the High Council's mind, it will be me they have to worry about. Release Richard now."

"I have no say in the matter. You know how they are. I cannot disobey their first order of me."

"You are the Mother Confessor!" Kahlan shouted. "They bow to you and you BOW to the Seeker! You do not take orders, alone. You give them. Give the order to release him. Dennee, you know this is not right and it is far from just. Richard has done nothing to deserve the life as your slave. Please," she added almost calmly, "do not destroy the man I love."

Taking her sister's hands, she sighed. "We need his child, Kahlan. The union of the lands rely on this decision. I cannot jeopardize the peace for your heart."

"He fought for you; for your son and this is how you plan to thank him? You are no longer the sister I once knew. You take Richard as your mate, I will kill you to set him free. I will kill anyone who tries to enslave him."

"You will not be released to do so. As Mother Confessor, I sentence you to life within this cell. If I die before you, Richard will never be allowed entrance until you are buried."

She watched her younger sister leave in a huff, breaking her heart. How could her sister turn from everything she once believed? She would destroy someone for no reason other to bed them and it was unacceptable. Grabbing the bars of her cell, Kahlan stared in anger as her fingers tightened around the metal and turned her knuckles white. She may not be the woman she was before, but she would protect Richard. At any cost.

Kahlan felt her sister's magic rumble around her. Jumping to her feet, the brunette rushed to the cell door and screamed. No one came. The moon had risen hours before, telling her what had been done and it enraged her. She imagined the blank expression on his face, waiting for his mistress to give the order to lay with her. The vision was sickening.

Slamming her fist against the prison door, she jumped as it swung open. Wondering when it had been unlocked, she forced herself to push out and run down the hall. Grabbing a blanket at the main door, she pulled it around her and continued moving without pause. She wondered if she should run after the man she loved or wait and give her sister the night she needs to create another child. Returning to Richard's room at the Inn, she dressed in her single dress and then stopped at the wash station.

Looking into the mirror, she sighed. She was covered in dirt, but it wiped away easier than she thought it would. Rubbing a washcloth against her skin, her eyes closed to force the image out of her mind for a moment as she worked. After cleaning her face, she wiped down her arms, ignoring the pain from the several scrapes she received from being thrown into her prison cell. The moment she was clean enough to leave the room, she went to the dining area and ordered his favorite ale.

Sitting down on a bar-stool, she leaned forward against the table and stabilized herself before taking a drink. The taste reminded her of him and of the way his lips would linger against hers in their passion. His kiss had always made her feel an emotion she never expected and the drink brought the same. It was a welcome feeling as she knew the man she loved was with another woman. She began to wonder if this is how she would feel had the roles be reversed. If she still have her magic, there would be no hope for them and she would be forced to take a mate.

The man she chose would not be Richard and he would eventually move on and marry. It was to be expected. He would fall in love when he was free of her. Taking another drink, she closed her eyes to make the image of him clearer.

Turning her head, she looked at the older man standing beside her with his hand on her bottom. Her mind spun in so many directions. She was confused and scared. No one other than other Confessors and Richard had ever touched her before and now, without her magic, this man was taking advantage her. Was this what normal women went through every day? Her heart ached to believe that to be the truth and she wished she could protect them. "Remove your hand," she said coldly as she held his eyes. "Now."

Shaking his head, he stepped forward. "You don't want me to do that. You've been unable to have a man between your legs for so long, I'm sure you would welcome me."

His response made her ache. There had been many men she had confessed as punishment for crimes she imagined came after an encounter like this one, but she never imagined she would be in the same position. If she was honest with herself, she was afraid of what he would do and how far he would take it. Would he force himself upon her in this very room? Would he kill her when he was finished or would he leave with a story to tell that would forever bring her shame? Keeping her facial expression mute, she tilted her head. "I will ask once more and if you do not remove your hand, I will do it for you."

"You have no magic. There is nothing you can do. With your body in need and your Seeker in the arms of your sister... What are they doing now? Is he above her, thrusting within to empty his seed." Bringing his lips close to her ear, he chuckled. "You are a woman now, ready for me. I can take you in ways he never will."

His words painted a picture in her mind and it angered her. She could, once again, imagine Richard with her sister, making love to someone he was forced to love and it wasn't fair. With her heart racing she swallowed and felt something familiar rising within. Before she could form a thought, her magic ripped through her and into him.

The room turned and stared in disbelief and fear as she stood and pushed back her confusion. She had confessed many before, but never without her hand touching them. Her first confession had been when she touched a maid's daughter, Ashley, when they were playing. Every time her magic had released and taken someone it was through her hands and knowing it can come from anywhere else, made her more afraid of hurting the man she loved. With only a few breaths to collect herself and remain strong, she brought her hands into fists. "Go home to your family and never let me see you again." Moving quickly, she hurried outside and sucked in a deep breath. Her body burned with the sudden release and as it rebuilt within her, the pain did as well. If she had her magic back, everything would change. Her agreement with Richard needed to be the first.

If she confessed a man who touched her with no meaning, what could she do to the man she loved? It wouldn't scare him away, she knew he believed his love for her to protect him, but there would come a moment when he saw her for the danger that she was. She only hoped it would happen before he was lost. The thought made her heart ache and her body grow weak. She was more dangerous now that she felt no control and he would be the first to embrace her upon sight.

Closing her eyes for a moment she fought her tears. Her mind raced over everything that had happened in the last few days and within moments, she found herself sick. Had her magic come back any day before, Richard would still be himself and he would be far from the bed of her sister. She would not be standing in the middle of the road, wondering if she was pregnant and fearing the thought. If she had held onto her power through the poison, would he have come to her embrace and body as he did? Would he have told her of his love and asked her to be his wife? The High Council had one thought correct, Richard would be a wonderful father and his children would be powerful, but they would lack the one thing only he could truly give them.

With Richard unable to be in his own thoughts, he couldn't help raise them to be what their world needed and it would be nearly impossible for his children to have his heart. There was a hundred different things he would be able to teach them, but he would never be their father. He wouldn't be like hers, but he wouldn't be the one she knew he could be, either. When he was released, he would have a life he never wanted and it was far from fair. Turning on her heels, she rushed down the road to the Confessor's Palace. This would end now.

She was running through the palace gates when she saw him and within a single moment, she froze. He showed no sign of confession and he was looking at her in deep concern. Was this the moment she lost him? Kahlan's confusion and fear grew as he hurried toward her, her sister behind and out of breath as she struggled to keep up. Dennee's magic had been released, she felt it and he was not lost. None of it made sense. It was clear they had been together, but his mind and actions remained his own.

If he was to keep moving at his current speed, she would be in his arms and then, she would be near the shell of the man she loved. Raising her hand, she motioned for him to slow, for him to gain more time as himself while she hoped to gather all control and keep her magic from releasing without intent as it had just before, but even now as her mind wished it, she felt her magic lingering on her fingertips. She had not felt a fear so strong since she was a young girl and her magic was first beginning to develop. Seeing him approaching without fear or concern made her want to cry harder. Her head tilted as he came closer, trying to read him and see what had happened, hoping it would make it easier to put it all to rest. "I don't understand," she said softly as he came to a stop before her.

"I- Kahlan, what happened? I felt your magic... When did you get it back?"

Shaking her head, she avoided his questions, needing to know the one thing one her mind. "She didn't- You are not her mate?"

"No," he stated plainly, partly upset that she would believe him to do such a thing. "Kahlan, I would never allow that to happen. I- Zedd thought this would help you to-"

"Help me?!" she interrupted loudly, her pain and fear mixing and becoming more aware. "How could this help me, Richard?!"

Taking her hands in his he took a single step closer and lowered his voice. He had to hold tighter than he wished as she tried to pull away. "I know you're upset, I was too when Dennee told me what their plan was, but I need you to listen. Zedd thought the magic within you was remaining dormant to survive, but the part of it that was the strongest would come through to protect you. They thought that your feelings for me and the pain of what you thought was happening would bring your magic to surface."

"The ConDar," she whispered. "I- Richard, this wasn't like that-" Could it be as simple as ConDar? Her magic was stronger than she ever imagined and after calling upon the blood rage without being taught and finding it to be stronger than others before her, she began to wonder if it was only a part of her that had indeed been locked away in hiding. Was it brought out to defend her? Had the magic been lingering for this entire time, waiting and testing? Her heart began to wonder if it had laid dormant for the single purpose to give her what she desired most in all of her life. She had made love to Richard and now it was over for them.

Nodding, he released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "I know, I felt it. Kahlan, what happened?"

"There was a man in the tavern, he- He thought a night in his bed was something I would enjoy. I didn't intend to- One minute, he had his hand on me and the next, he was no longer that man."

"I'm sorry, Kahlan. I know you must feel-"

"You cannot know how I feel. I am uncertain as to how I feel. Richard, I sat in my prison cell, waiting for the moment you were taken away from me and the moment I felt her magic enter the air, I... There are no words to describe the way that felt. I imagined so many things, I felt sick. For nearly an hour, I had lost the man I love and there was nothing I could do. How could I murder my own sister to set you free and how could I- Richard, confessing that man was the least horrible thing I have felt this evening. I am not sure how I was able to confess him without touching him myself. I should not have been able to destroy him."

Pulling her into his arms, he hugged her tightly, the same way he had always done and the way he did when she had no magic, proving his lack of fear for her magic. After a moment, she pushed away, confusing him.

"I need to speak to the council." It was the only thing she could think of to say that would keep him from knowing her fears and from seeing her pain.

"It can wait," Richard said quietly. "Come back to my room with me."

Her heart raced at his words, knowing something he didn't and she feared letting it be spoken. "I can't. Richard, I- My magic has returned."

"I know," he whispered.

Taking a deep breath, she frowned. "I can no longer marry you." She watched his face and the emotions flood it. He gave no effort to hide the disappointment and confusion, the anger and pain, but he chose one that made her heart break further.

"You can do anything you wish. I know you think things have changed, but they haven't. The way I feel about you, the ones you feel yourself, they are not something to change with the wind. Kahlan, I know you love me, this doesn't change anything. Please, don't-"

"I am a danger to you. I will not put you in a position that will bring you harm, even if I have to push down everything my heart holds. I can't hurt you."

Before he could respond, she was walking past him, ignoring her sister on her way inside the Confessor's Palace. She moved quicker than needed, but if he had a moment to speak, he may change her mind and it scared her. It would not be the end of the conversation, but the distance between them would help give her time to gather herself.


	10. Chapter 10

The High Council was more than surprised by her actions and words. Unwilling to give them a moment to speak, she left and returned to the safety and confinement of her bedroom. It was exactly how she had left it months before and it welcomed her. Lying down on her bed, she stared up at the ceiling that had once taken her breath away and sighed. The beauty was still there, but she found herself wishing for another view. There was a time when she had been comforted by the sight, a familiar safety that she had never known anything to compare, but now, it was different.

Richard had found a way to make her feel connected to someone, safe and at times, unafraid. There was a fear that lingered when he was near, but as long as her magic was held tightly, she could have him close. With another sigh, she closed her eyes and thought of him and the life she now had to give up. After spending weeks with it in mind, she found it harder and harder to think it away, but it hurt more with each moment. She had spent so much of her life thinking that she would never have a family, but she didn't wish thoughts away when it became possible and now that they were ripped from her hold, she found herself in a pain she never knew could exist.

She began to wonder if their time together created a child and if it did, would she tell him? She would never deny him access to their child, but she knew him well and he would never settle for anything less than what his heart wanted and his mind desired. It would be easier this way, she thought, thinking about how the child was made through a love without confession. He would be the man she knew and respected and fully capable of raising their child and when she died, he wouldn't be left with a life he never wanted.

Richard would live a life of his own choosing, able to stay away from the life of a mate and by doing so, he would find the happiness she longed for him to have. This all was only in mind if she did indeed carry a child, but it was highly unlikely. A Confessor was fertile, but at the time, she had no magic, changing the outcome. She did not feel a child within her and though it was painful, she knew it was for the best. There was nothing connecting his life to hers, bringing it to an easy break for when the time came. She wasn't sure the words would leave her lips, they were not something she could speak easily, but that wasn't what mattered.

Opening her eyes, she rolled onto her side, finding herself grateful for the bed she laid on. She began to grow used to the feel of a stone floor to sleep on, but she missed the hay in the stables. It had been warmer than she thought, but nothing could compare to the warmth of his arms. She had never slept as well as she did when he held her. The sound of his heart beating beneath her ear, and his arms around her, there was never anything more comforting.

The fireplace was dying, the crackling of the flames slowing to a light pop every few minutes. It was growing colder, but she knew it wasn't the fire's fault. She was away from the man she loved, warmth would never find her again. She jumped at the knock on her door, though she knew who it was. Locking her jaw, she tried to keep quiet, to let him assume she was asleep, but her body act instinctively.

"I need you to stay away, Richard. Please, don't make this harder than it has to be."

"You know I won't leave you, Kahlan. Open the door please."

Sitting up, she stared at the door, knowing the expression on his face and the pain in his eyes. "I can't. Richard, if I open that door, we both know this will only hurt us more."

"Yes, but you will not talk to me through this door. Kahlan, please... Let me in."

She hesitated for a few breaths, thinking her actions through before she stood and moved to the door. Instead of opening it, she sat down and let the back of her head rest against the wood. "Did you know?"

"What?"

"She was under their orders before Zedd mentioned a plan. Did you know before you came to see me in the cells?"

He knelt down on the opposite side, keeping himself facing the door in case she decided to open it. "No. I did not know until this evening when I was taken to her bedroom."

Her heart began to pound at his words, imagining his expression and the reason behind him agreeing to go to her sister's room. "You were invited?"

"I would not call it an invitation. I was going to meet with the High Council, she stopped me in the hallway next to the garden and asked for my help. I hoped it was on finding a way to free you, but before I understood what was happening, we entered her room. She told me Zedd spoke to her before we sealed the rifts, suggesting a plan that could somehow bring you back to us. He believed your magic was lingering within you, waiting for a moment of need to protect you. I don't understand what happened, but it was not my intent to- I would never lay with her, even if it meant bringing back your magic." Releasing a heavy sigh, he found himself sitting and crossing his legs. "As much as I want you to be the woman you were born to be, the one I love, I know the pain of seeing me Confessed to your sister." He watched her shadow move under the door and he reached out, letting his fingers slide underneath just as hers did. "I told her the plan was wrong and cruel, but as I began to speak the words, I felt your magic flow through the air."

"This changes everything, Richard."

"It doesn't have to," he said quietly, knowing she could hear him clearly. "I know you're afraid, but your magic doesn't change the way we feel about each other. I know you are wishing this all away, but I'm not. Kahlan, please let me in."

"I can't. If I let you in, I will hurt you." Her voice broke as she spoke and he didn't have to see her face to know tears were raining down her cheeks. "I can't go back to how we were, not now. I- I thought I was going to live the life every other woman-"

"You are not every other woman, Kahlan. You are greater than them and it is not your magic that makes it so. I loved you before I knew about your magic and it didn't fade away as I learned how it worked. I never thought it was possible to love someone the way I love you and I will not let you go easily. You can keep this door closed, but I will not leave. I will not lose my best friend."

Pulling her fingers from his, she folded her arms over her chest and sighed. She understood what he was saying, she felt the same way, but she would not be able to say the words out loud. "I'm sorry, Richard."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you don't want to hurt me, but I also know you need me, not to lay with you, but as a friend. I can still be your friend, Kahlan. I know there is more, but you don't have to talk about it."

His words comforted her more than she thought they could. He always managed to make her feel safe, but it was him who needed to be kept safe. She felt weak, knowing there was no way to protect him forever, she came to a decision. If she let go and he was confessed, she would kill herself before she took another breath. It was the only way to be sure he was protected. The door opened, surprising him since he didn't see or hear her move. He wondered when she would have moved, but he didn't wait to enter her bedroom. She was sitting down behind the door and didn't move when he stepped into view. Sitting down beside her, he pulled her close, letting her rest her head on his shoulder as she cried in silence. There was so much he wanted to say, but it was not his words she needed, it was the comfort he could provide. Hugging her to him, he made sure to breathe slowly, knowing she could feel his breath and the beat of his heart through their touch.

They sat in place for an amount of time he couldn't calculate, but he didn't want to. As long as she was willing to be near him, he didn't care about anything else. Shifting beside him, she brought her tearful eyes to his and slowly, moved her hand to his cheek. His beard had grown making it more soft than scratchy. She was amazed by how well he was able to grow facial hair, but she had never mentioned it before. "Are you going to keep this?"

"I have not thought about it. Do you want me to shave it?"

Shaking her head, she welcomed the subject change and the softness of his voice. "I don't know. Do you like it?"

Smiling, he let her fingers roll through the hair. It was a welcome feeling and he was more than grateful for the connection. "I'm becoming use to it. I think it makes me look older."

"It does, but not badly. I think it looks nice on you."

"Thank you."

She leaned in closer, yet another surprise, but he didn't stop her as she brought her lips to his. It was a slow kiss, one she seemed to test the moment with, but when it was over, she gave a small smile. "It tickles."

"I can keep it trimmed," he told her quietly. He knew the kiss was far from what they both desired, but keeping his beard smaller for her comfort was something he was more than willing to do. Even if he was never able to kiss her again, if she liked it, he would keep it any way she wished.

Pulling back, she brought her hands to her lap, rubbing her palms on the velvet of her dress. She was embarrassed, but he said nothing of it. "The decision is yours."

"Yes, but I value your opinion. You're able to see things I am not."

Releasing a soft sigh, she looked down at the floor and counted a few of the dimples in the stone. "Is this how it will be? Will we only speak to each other about simple things?"

"I don't believe you want anything more," he replied softly. "You don't have to worry if we talk of silly things."

"That's not true," she told him honestly. "I can't imagine a moment with you where I do not worry."

"Would it make you more comfortable if I sat away from you?"

"No," she replied without hesitation. "There is no greater comfort than you near. Distance will not change what my mind thinks of."

Taking in a slow breath, he shifted beside her and took hold of her hand. It was a risky move, but if he didn't take it, he would never forgive himself. "I understand. I was going to come for you, Kahlan. When you were in that prison cell, I was going to rescue you."

She knew why he said it, but couldn't understand why it was said now and in this moment. "I know. Had the door been locked, I would have waited for that day to come. Or," she added after a moment, "died there and waited to meet you in the underworld."

"I can't imagine a life without you, Kahlan."

"You'll have to. You're able to be married now and have children-"

"I will not marry another woman, nor have children without you. You may have changed your mind on marrying me, but I have not. I will not take another woman, even if I must watch you take another man. As painful as it would be for me, I know it will be far worse for you." Squeezing the hand in his, he gave her a sad smile, "I won't abandon you, no matter what you fear."

"It is not an unwarranted fear, Richard. My magic can destroy you and with a single touch. I don't want to hurt you."

"Of all of the things in this world, there's two things I am sure of. One, is that you would never hurt me." Instinctively, he moved closer, touching his free hand to her cheek. "I have always been able to count on you to protect me. I trust you more than anyone I have ever known. I've never known anyone like you..."

"That's because you were raised away from Confessors. Things would be different had you grown with us near."

Dropping his hand, he laughed, making her smile at the sound. "You're right, I would have fallen in love with you sooner. Had I known you when I was younger, I would have known what love felt like and before I was lost."

"Richard... You've always know what it felt like. You knew when you met Anna and other women. This, this is nothing different."

Moving to his feet, he sighed. "I don't think I can make you understand. You may not want to." Walking across the room, he looked out of her window, taking in the view of the city at rest. "You don't have to push me away, Kahlan. I would never push something you did not want. Especially if it brought you pain."

"I know," she whispered as she moved to her feet. She didn't walk toward him, though she felt a pull in his direction. "I didn't mean to imply-"

"You didn't," he interrupted softly, "but I needed to say it. I never loved Anna, you know that." Keeping his eyes focused on the view outside, he watched the guards walk slowly around the garden. "I never imagined I would feel this way about anyone... You know how it feels. Kahlan, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't stop loving you."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I don't want an apology, Kahlan. I want you to give us a chance. I want you to marry me and-"

Turning toward him, she sighed, "I can't marry you Richard. I want to, but I can't. I cannot be the wife you deserve. We could never lay together, start a family or... I cannot do that to you."

"You can't allow me to love you?"

"That's not what I meant. Richard, there is nothing that can come from our marriage. I cannot be a wife to you, not in the way I should. I would love you, yes, but that is all I can give. Any other woman, she would be able to give you a family, an heir to your land and I... I can only lay at your side while we both desire more."

Moving away from the window, he walked toward her, holding her eyes with each step. "Marriage is not only for making love or creating children. Many couples live their lives without one. By marrying you, I would be able to show my love and the commitment I have to you. I would be your husband; not your mate and I would be at your side every day, willingly. Kahlan there is more to our lives than the pain and fear. I know you believe this to be mad, to be useless, but it is far from it. You may take a mate to continue the line of Confessors, but no matter who laid above you, your heart would be mine. You will bear children and I will love them. I will be their father and they will never live in the fear you and Dennee faced."

He was standing a foot away from her, keeping a small amount of distance between them to keep from making her feel trapped. There were so many things he wanted to say and needed to tell her, but she couldn't hear them now. "I love you and I will fight to be yours."

Moving past him, Kahlan walked behind her wardrobe and removed her dress. It was hard to stand naked for a single breath when she craved the feel of his hands and lips on her. The only reason she paused was to take a breath outside of her corset. After so long outside of it, she had almost forgotten the pain of wearing it. "Do you remember Dennee's reaction when she learned what happened to me after I returned?"

Confused, he took a step closer, trying to keep them close, but with enough distance between them to keep her comfortable. "I do. She seemed relieved."

"Do you think it was to find me out of the palace?"

"What?" Walking around the changing wall, he held her eyes and reached for her hand. "Kahlan, she's your sister. I think she was glad to know you were alive."

"She knew, Richard. I wrote her a week after I was sent away from my home. I told her I was alive, but I said nothing on the decision of the High Council or the lack of my magic." Closing her eyes, she took in a slow breath and licked her lips. "She knew I was alive and I never heard back from her. When she saw me, I don't think she was relieved to see me that way."

"What way?"

Blinking out a set of tears, she met his eyes and allowed him to see the emotions she felt. "Richard, I was broken and in pain. I had forgotten everything I am. I had nothing left and in that moment, I saw something in her eyes that I never expected to see."

Pulling her into his arms, he hugged her tightly, ignoring the fact that she was still naked. "You were not broken, Kahlan. Perhaps you were lost, but you were not broken. I cannot say what you saw in her eyes, but I can help you find out. If this was a plan or set up in any way, I will set it right. I give you my word."

Tightening her arms around him, she nodded against his chest. "Thank you." A soft moan left her lips as his hands slowly slid over her back, testing the soft skin. It was comforting, something she knew to be his intent and as she soaked in the feeling, she found herself pushing into him.

"Come with me."

Before she could respond, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. Without letting his eyes move over her body, he pulled the blankets over her and then crawled in beside her. She moved into his arms without hesitation, bringing her head to lay on his shoulder and her right hand on his chest. His shirt was freshly washed, softer than before and it was still familiar. It was washed here, in the palace, a fact she knew not only from the smell, but the feel that could come from the best soaps. Her mind went to when it was washed and if he had been comfortable in anything he had worn since. It was a line of thought she wished not to go down, but she couldn't stop herself from imagining what life he would have if he stayed there with her.

He would have the best clothes, something he cared nothing about and they would be well made and taken care of. He would be fed well, never going hungry and respected more than he could know. The downside of their life would be the danger he lived in, the pain he could feel and the agony of becoming what was expected of him.

"Did you mean what you said before?"

"I've meant everything, but what-"

"That you would fight for me?"

Shifting beside her, he rolled onto his side to meet her eyes and make sure she knew his words to be the truth. "I meant every word. Kahlan, I know this will not be easy, but I will not give up and I will do everything I can to ease any pain it brings you. There has never been anything I believe in more than this." Touching her cheek, he smiled as his thumb gently caressed her light pink skin. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Within a breath, she lifted her head and connected their lips. The action surprised him, but he didn't hesitate to return the kiss. She was passionate and calm, both something he didn't expect now that she had her magic back. She fought the urge to pull him onto her, but the thought seemed to leave her mind and enter his as he pushed closer. His hands snaked over her body, testing the moment. As his left hand came to her breast, she leaned into his touch, absorbing the feeling that left her breathless.

Moving slowly, she pushed forward, coming to lay above him to deepen their kiss. Her hair flowed down on the side of their faces, mixing with the hair of his beard. Holding herself steady above him with her left hand, she brought her right to his cheek and held his face still. Richard kept his hands in place, one on her breast and the other holding her hip so tightly, it would leave a deep bruise. Suddenly, she broke their kiss and sat up.

His eyes dropped from her face to her chest quickly, matching the speed of his hands as he pushed her hair out of his view and over her shoulder. Tracing his fingers over her skin, he looked back to her eyes, making sure his exploration was welcome. When she gave a slow nod, he returned his attention to her chest. She had a scar he had never noticed before and as he ran the index finger of his right hand over it, he knew why. It was a fresh wound, one she would have received after leaving him months ago to return home. He wondered if it had happened from a fight in the palace, or if she had cut herself in an accident.

Moving on, he slid his finger between her breasts, ignoring the desire to follow the trail with his tongue. This was not the time for that. Her side had a mixture of different size scars, many from a war they fought together. He was always amazed by her strength, finding her able to handle anything thrown at her without pause. She had taken an arrow to the stomach and continued to fight, doing everything she could to, not only, stay alive, but keep him safe as well. The light layer of freckles that covered her skin made his heart pound, a beauty he couldn't describe.

Bringing his hands to her hips, he pulled gently, giving her the pressure she didn't realize she needed. Their position was perfect for his actions, making her reach out to steady herself on his lap but laying her hands on his chest. A gasp left her lips and her eyes closed as he lifted his hips, meeting her body as it rocked. It was a dangerous move, he knew, but he could do nothing less.

"Richard," she panted as her nails dug into his chest. Her magic climbed rapidly up her body, scraping its way to her fingertips. It threatened to take the life of the man before her and yet, when their eyes met, she saw no fear. He stopped his actions upon a single whisper of his name, but he did not pull away. His hands left her hips and came to her waist, stabilizing her as she fought for control of her body and the magic within. Bringing her left hand to his right, she held onto it for support, soaking in the feeling of his touch. It was comforting and terrifying at the same time, but he made her feel safe.

"Are you alright?" With his left hand coming to her face, he wiped the tears she didn't know were falling. "Here, I'm sorry. Kahlan-"

"It's fine," she interrupted breathlessly. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on his hand against her cheek. "I'm sorry. I couldn't... It was stronger than me for a few moments."

"I doubt it," he whispered. "You're the strongest woman I have ever known." Continuing to stroke her cheek, he smiled. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, thank you." Her breath returned to her as she relaxed above him, surprising them both as she remained in place. "I'm sorry, Richard."

"What for?"

"Stopping this," she answered truthfully. "I'm sorry I cannot make love to you. I'm sorry they have washed your clothes and I am- What?" she said as his head tilted in confusion.

"You're sorry they washed my clothes?"

Slouching her shoulders, she dropped her hands to his shirt and gently pulled on the fabric. "It doesn't smell like you any longer. It's... If you were to remain with me, this would not be the only change."

"What do you mean? Kahlan, I don't care what they try to change, the one thing they cannot is my love for you. I may smell like a garden, but that is not more important than being here with you."

"I never wanted this for you."

"I know, but we can't change how we feel about each other. This, no matter how bad you believe it to be for me, it will not come close to how I would be without you." Pulling her down upon him, he hugged her tightly, making sure she felt his sure and steady heartbeat. "I will marry you and then, we will work on how to have a family. I am going to make sure we have a wonderful life together, Kahlan. I know it won't be perfect or easy, but we will be happy."

"I can't marry you, Richard."

"Yes, you can. I know you love me and nothing has changed."

"You're wrong. My magic changes everything. I now begin again. I will fight to become Mother Confessor once again and I will-"

"I will help you. I will not stand in your way, but at your side. We will do this together."

Sitting up, she moved off of him and pushed her back against the headboard of her bed and pulled the blankets up to cover herself. She could still smell his shirt as though she laid against it, but she craved the feel of it close to her. "I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you."

"But the fear you have will keep you from letting go. I trust you more than anyone."

"Perhaps you shouldn't. Richard, I can lose control at any moment and maybe we will not be naked in bed when it happens. I may be in your arms for a hug when I destroy everything that you are. I must continue the line of Confessor's and-"

"We may have already started. We've been together and we may-"

"That can't be what you want, Richard," she said softly as he sat up and crossed his legs before her. "We were together for a short time- No man can want a family to come from that."

Taking her hand, he smiled. "I am not like most men, Kahlan. In my heart, a family with you is something I long and pray for. When we were together, I wanted my seed to take hold and I wanted to create a child with you. If we created our first daughter, I cannot explain the joy I will feel and the sadness I will hold if we didn't. Kahlan, we can do this together."

Nodding slowly, she licked her lips and tightened her hold on his hand. "I'm afraid, but... I can't lose you."

"You never will."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Rest, we have a lot of work to do."

Two months had passed and Kahlan had only just regained her title as Mother Confessor. Richard had questioned her sister at length, needing to know if she had anything to do with the pain the woman he loved had felt. It was a relief to learn she had been afraid of what was going to happen to her sister. The letter Kahlan had sent never reached her, having been held by the High Council to hide their actions and intents. They wanted the last Confessor to take him as a mate, but knew there was only one way it would happen if the previous Confessor was dead. Dennee remained close to her sister, helping with Confessions and appointing a new council.

The High Council was taken to the dungeons, many now sharing the same cell she had. They had fought with every breath, demanding they be released, but now that Kahlan had regained her powers, it was now treason. It brought the Mother Confessor no joy to have them imprisoned, knowing herself how it felt to be behind those bars. After two visits to see them, she made it clear what would happen to each one and though they pleaded for their lives, she wouldn't allow them to get away with what they had done to her.

The city was thriving unlike ever before and with Richard at her side, they united the lands. Their wedding took place a month previous, Kahlan wearing a blue dress and he in the robes of his family. Their people flocked to the reception, surprising the couple with their support when they didn't know the truth. They spent the night in celebration, one holding onto fear. He held her hand and walked proudly through the crowds, smiling widely as they were congratulated.

It was an unreal feeling to them both, a happiness that couldn't be measured. After their meal, they retired to their bedroom and after removing every piece of clothing, he held her to him. Richard gently ran his fingers through her hair while his heart raced in passion and desire. Kahlan told him the story on the day she went out for her wedding dress and why she had chosen the color. She stood before a large selection of cloths, each a different texture and color. There were two that stood out among the others and made her heart race.

There was a light blue that when she touched it, she felt her hair stand on end. The older lady who sold the cloth suggested another, a pink that she found to be very pretty, but it was dismissed quickly. Blue was the favorite color of the man she loved and picking the right shade was very important. Pulling some of the fabric to her, she looked into the mirror and studied the way it looked against her skin. As she looked at herself, she could almost envision the dress she desired and she couldn't help but notice the way it brought out her eyes.

Richard had told her many times that he loved the color of her eyes and if this fabric helped with the view, she knew he would like it. When she saw the seamstress, she stood for hours, showing her where she wanted the dress to hug her body and where to leave it to flow. Anywhere she knew his hands to travel frequently, was to be tight and the rest, easy to slide beneath. When she finished reliving the decision, she leaned forward and he matched her kiss perfectly, fueling the fires within.

She had nearly perfected their time together, her magic releasing only moments after they made love, but this night was one she refused to risk. She wanted remember this night as any other woman and hoped he would be alright with holding back. She was the first Confessor to have ever married and wanted no fear of losing him after such a happy day. Richard couldn't have been more supportive on the subject and found another way to show their love.

He prepared his new bride a bath, putting in the special soap she rarely used. The smell of gardenia filled the room as they allowed themselves to sink into the warm water. They had spent the night before in separate rooms, each receiving a significant treatment to prepare them for the next day. The Seeker marveled at the extra softness of her skin, taking his time to soak it in.

"I think I've grown fond of milk baths," she whispered as his fingers curled over her shoulder. "I can't remember anything so different being as refreshing."

"I understand," he grinned. "I liked mine as well, though I don't believe it had the same benefits for me."

Turning her head, she smiled. "Perhaps you did not do it properly."

"It's possible, but I'm enjoying the benefits on you." Leaning against him, she held her smile and closed her eyes. His hands were now moving over her breasts and stomach. "I can't wait to meet her."

"Me either. I- I can't believe she is ours. After everything we have gone through, we are so close to having a life I never thought possible."

Hugging his arms around her, he kissed hair. "I promise you'll have everything."

"I already do."

******The END******


End file.
